Feed your FAITH and your fears will starve .

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Another Day of the Yucks

Trent is still nauseous and feeling yucky. He goes from laying in bed to sitting on the couch and back to bed again. Ironically, that makes him very tired. But his spirits are good and hopefully he will get some good rest tonight. I have him fully medicated so maybe he will have a little more energy tomorrow.

We have finally found the magic potion that helps make everything better for Trent. Orange juice. We thought for a while that cranberry juice was the ticket but of course that has already run its course. So for the moment oj makes the medicine go down, the medicine go down! Hopefully it will keep the food down too!

Today was pretty tough for me. I am absolutely overloaded and started taking it out on the kids. That of course just made me feel worse so I took it out on Trent. Can you see where I am going with this? Long story short, mom is mean to everyone, eats her humble pie, and has to apologize to the whole family. I hate that kind of day. Thankfully it is over and I get to try again tomorrow.

I got a call from the nurse today. The MRI is scheduled for next Wednesday immediately followed by an appointment with the surgical oncologist. Yeah for that! The wound is looking pretty good on the outside but every day I find new tunneling and I am not sure if that is good or bad. I think that generally in wound care tunneling is bad but because it is a tumor it may be a sign that the cancer is dying. I think I choose to believe that because it makes me feel better. :)

Mom is doing a great job of keeping the kids busy. Zach is the chicken man, Jarom tends the burro, Megan is redesigning the barn, Mallory is tending the strawberries and getting the mail, and Jonathan is everyone's shadow. They all seem to be doing great. Today they irrigated the garden and the orchard and just for fun built a big slip and slide with the irrigation water. I am glad for all the chores and activities to keep them busy.

We are one day closer to remission. That's what I think about everynight before I close my eyes. One day closer. I just can't think about all the ugly days we have to go through to get to the other end. It is so weird for me to watch my husband deteriorate the way he is. He has lost a lot of weight, speaks in a sickly voice, and hunches over when he walks. I really never thought he would look like that until we were old and gray. He has always been my protector, my brute strength, and always conscious of my safety. He still tries to do that but it feels so weird letting him hold the door for me when I am afraid he won't make it through behind me! I just have to remind myself that it is only temporary. However long "temporary" is.


  1. Holly you are doing a great job, so hang in there. I had a bad mom day too and I have no excuse. It just happens. Hope Trent's day goes better tomorrow. Yay for OJ. I am laughing at the barn redesign. What's in store? What could possibly be redesigned?

  2. Holly.. you are wonderful! I am with Jill.. I have bad mom days and have NOT a single excuse.. You are such an example.. and I admire you... your strength is amazing.. and no matter what.. we are here right beside you guys.. let us know if we can help.. Team Trent is moving full speed ahead on kicking cancer..
    Love you..

  3. Even when you feel you are at your worst, you are a better mom than most moms at their best. I admire your inner strength and faith. Please tell Zach that I think about him as well as all of you often. You are one special family.

  4. Some days I closed all the blinds in the middle of the day, put the kids down for a nap and shut the whole world out. It happens. Life is hard, even when it really isn't. You have TRUE hard and you are human....never beat yourself up. Trent will eventually CARRY you over the threshold of a new home and new job and new start.