Yesterday was not my finest day. I woke up grumpy again because my sleep was interrupted several times again. How did I ever have five kids? You would think I would be used to this by now.
When Trent woke up he was having one of his "Did we do the right thing?" moments. He is still sore and tired and struggles to breathe sometimes. He worries that he will be like this forever. I keep having to remind him he is only two weeks out from losing a LUNG! He is going to be sore, he is going to be tired, and yes, it is going to be hard to breathe sometimes. But guess what? HE WILL GET BETTER!!!!
I was not really up to the task of being the strong one that morning and it set me off on the wrong foot. I was feeling added pressure because yesterday was Megan's birthday and I didn't have the shopping done for her yet. She told me she wanted to make her own birthday desert but at 4:30 she changed her mind. So I was frantically trying to get everything done and get to the store to have everything finished so it didn't all look like an afterthought. AARRGGHH. Not my finest day. I am pretty sure I didn't smile all day long. Again, AARRGGHH.
Trent could see that I was struggling and kept trying to smile at me, tell me thank you, and that I am beautiful. Nice gestures but I was not receiving them too well. After dinner I took some of the kids to Smith's to get prescriptions and a movie we could all watch together. I saw a friend there that I have known since kindergarten. As we were talking she said, "I couldn't do what you are doing." My reply was, "Well, no one ever gave me a choice." She immediately fired back with, "You had the choice, a long time ago!" She was referring to the pre-existence. And she is right. I did have a choice. I really don't think I signed up for dealing with cancer, who would? But I do know that I agreed to be tested. I knew life was going to be tough and I agreed to do it. I had a choice then, and I have a choice now.
Today is going to be a better day because I choose to make it that way. Cancer has taken so many things from us, I won't let it take my happiness too. Thanks for the reminder Mandy, I needed that!
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I'm so sorry you had a hard day. Hugs to you and Happy Birthday to Megan!
ReplyDeleteJust so you know Holly you did smile yesterday! You smiled at me as soon as I seen you yesterday! You are the strongest person I know! Everyone has bad days, but I think the bad days make the good ones seem even better. I know you didn't agree to deal with cancer no one in there right mind would. You guys are amazing and are paving a whole new road for cancer treatment and so many people are going to benefit from your sacrifices. I love you guys!!! I love your faith in our savior, it helps me try to be stronger everyday!!
ReplyDeleteKeep your chin up! I think about you often, and I don't even know you. But I do know what you are going through because I have been there. Good days and bad days are part of the battle. Look at it like Heavenly Father loves you enough and has the confidence in you that YOU can do it.
ReplyDeleteHolly, I was thinking along those lines at work today or yesterday I am not sure. This is once again Mark.. (You know which one). I have often been told that some of us are given challenges because our Father knew that we would weather the slings and arrows that would come our way. I still wonder if our Father had a hand in all things. OR if our Father just knew we would have challenges, we have been promised we would have nothing given to us that we could not bare. As always my best to your family. (Holly you can punch me in the nose next time you see me if you do not agree) Just one thing ..... remember I am not a catcher at home plate so do not be as rough as you were back then. Remember ... heheh ... Tell all of yours HI from the balloon man. .. Mark
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