Yesterday was not my finest day. I woke up grumpy again because my sleep was interrupted several times again. How did I ever have five kids? You would think I would be used to this by now.
When Trent woke up he was having one of his "Did we do the right thing?" moments. He is still sore and tired and struggles to breathe sometimes. He worries that he will be like this forever. I keep having to remind him he is only two weeks out from losing a LUNG! He is going to be sore, he is going to be tired, and yes, it is going to be hard to breathe sometimes. But guess what? HE WILL GET BETTER!!!!
I was not really up to the task of being the strong one that morning and it set me off on the wrong foot. I was feeling added pressure because yesterday was Megan's birthday and I didn't have the shopping done for her yet. She told me she wanted to make her own birthday desert but at 4:30 she changed her mind. So I was frantically trying to get everything done and get to the store to have everything finished so it didn't all look like an afterthought. AARRGGHH. Not my finest day. I am pretty sure I didn't smile all day long. Again, AARRGGHH.
Trent could see that I was struggling and kept trying to smile at me, tell me thank you, and that I am beautiful. Nice gestures but I was not receiving them too well. After dinner I took some of the kids to Smith's to get prescriptions and a movie we could all watch together. I saw a friend there that I have known since kindergarten. As we were talking she said, "I couldn't do what you are doing." My reply was, "Well, no one ever gave me a choice." She immediately fired back with, "You had the choice, a long time ago!" She was referring to the pre-existence. And she is right. I did have a choice. I really don't think I signed up for dealing with cancer, who would? But I do know that I agreed to be tested. I knew life was going to be tough and I agreed to do it. I had a choice then, and I have a choice now.
Today is going to be a better day because I choose to make it that way. Cancer has taken so many things from us, I won't let it take my happiness too. Thanks for the reminder Mandy, I needed that!