On Thanksgiving I learned that another much too young, beautiful, cancer warrior had been "rescued" by our Heavenly Father. I did not know her personally but knew her family and her husband's family. On Monday a mutual friend from Germany asked me and my dad to go visit her family and give his condolences. As we arrived, I am sure some of the family did not know us or why we had come. But as we spoke it became apparent that much more was to happen than our greeting with the family. I was asked if I would speak to the young woman's husband because of the experiences that I have been through. I welcomed the chance. I was actually hoping to see him and just give him a hug. He was called and he arrived at the house a short time later. As soon as I saw him I recognized the look in his eyes. I have seen it in my own many times. My heart truly was broken again, for him and his two young boys.
I was somewhat apprehensive about talking with him. I was afraid of the feelings it would stir up in me, like ripping off a scab to reveal a wound. However, as we talked I felt that Trent was with me, helping me to say the right things. We spoke for a couple of hours. We cried and laughed and cried some more. It was so healing for me! It didn't make anything better, or change it in any way. But I was able to recognize how far I have come and how much I have been comforted. I wanted so badly to take all the pain and agony that is so familiar to me, away from this young family. As we left I felt good, really good. I haven't felt that in a long, long, time.
It was very difficult to "go back there" during our talk and the next night I had a meltdown of sorts. A "trigger" got to me. I thought I was doing pretty well until a picture of Trent on our wedding day was returned to me by Greg. It was almost as if I couldn't touch it. I reached out to take the photo but pulled my hand back quickly. I finally took it and went to put it away. I had a quick cry, knowing that the bigger cry was boiling up inside of me. I was able to put that cry away until I went to bed that night. Then it erupted in a big way. Sigh.
That same night I was contacted by another young widow in our area. It seems we are all drawn to one another. There are very few people who can truly understand what it is to lose a spouse, especially at such a young age. In addition, all three of us have lost our spouses to cancer. I am so grateful that there are others out there to share my feelings with, who really get it. With that being said, I would do almost anything to change the circumstances for all of us. There is so much suffering in this world and I seriously think we could just skip right on to the Second Coming to heal us all.