Feed your FAITH and your fears will starve .

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Day 6 in Boston, Sigh

Today didn't get much better.  I got a call from a very frantic Trent at 4:00 am.  His phone was dead and he couldn't call me.  One of the nurses offered her cell phone so he could call me.  I had to talk him down from the ceiling and ask a nurse to give him an Ativan.  I said a prayer with him and promised I would come as early as I could.  By the time I got to the hospital he was resting well.  I didn't make a peep, didn't want to wake the sleeping beast.  Trent was agitated all day long.  Everything I did was wrong.  Finally it dawned on me to ask about his meds.  I figured out that he was not being given his Citalopram, an anti depressant.  I was told when they admitted him that I didn't have to worry about his regular medications, that they would all continue while he was in the hospital.  Apparently his Lyrica and Citalopram had fallen through the cracks somehow.  I think that a lot of his agitation is due to stopping the drugs cold turkey.  Those drugs have now been resumed and he is on continuous Ativan for at least a few more days.

Trent was moved to a step down unit today.  He still has one more day until the catheter and second chest tube come out.  That should make a big difference.  When they moved Trent to the step down bed it was kind of funny to see three women try to handle it.  They hung him from the ceiling and switched beds.  It was uncomfortable for Trent but the step down bed is soooo much more comfortable, plus it has an extension so it is actually long enough for him.

Trent was able to do only about a half of a lap today.  We need to be better at that tomorrow.  He is not eating much and that has to change too.  He hasn't lost any weight yet though so that is good.   Today was a very long day.  I was at Trent's side all day long because he gets so mad when I leave.  He was getting a breathing treatment today and was mad at me because I let him do it for so long.  In my defense, I don't have any experience with nebulizers, and I am not on the payroll at Brigham and Women's Hospital.  I think tomorrow will be better with the 24/7 Ativan, I hope.

Tomorrow we will talk to the medical and radiation oncologists.  I am hoping the biopsy results are in also.  Well, maybe it is okay if they are not in.  I need a day or two without bad news.  I am anxious to have more answers though, so we know what we are facing.

We can do this, we have just hit a rough patch.  I think we are just so tired.  Physically, emotionally, mentally.  It is exhausting but it doesn't stop just because you are tired.  So, we pray for strength to endure this trial.  It looks like we may have many more months to go.  We will know more tomorrow.


  1. Your strength and positive attitude in tough times continues to amaze me. I admire you and Trent so much. I think of you often and pray that Trent will continue to overcome this monster called cancer. You are wonderful, amazing people and I'm honored to know you!

  2. Holly,
    Hang in there, you are in our thoughts and prayers. You are a strong woman and you will get through this! Emily Daines

  3. Oh Holly...

    I begin to type, then stop, then erase, then begin again, then stop, then erase.

    There are no words that I can express that will bring you, Trent, and your family ease. For that is not my place but God alone.

    As of which, while my heart sinks deeper with each of your posts, I am reminded in my mind as tears flow.... "for you to just hold on strong to those promises." All will be made right, somehow, in someway, even though we do not know, thankfully he does. Though it does not make it any easier being in this present state. It is just a small comforting thing to know that someone knows ALL the answers for your family.

    How much, how much I love you and pray that you will be strengthened with tender mercies from above each day to hold you and carry you through each of these rough patches.

    With all the love as a sister in Christ,