Tough Week

This round has not been going as good as the last round did. Since we came home Trent has steadily gone downhill. Somehow he still managed to get in a movie with his friend, Nate. I didn't think it was a great idea to go but Trent wasn't really paying a whole lot of attention to what I was thinking. He loved the movie though so I guess that counts for something.

Watching Trent be sick kind of makes me mad. It makes me mad that we have to do this and mad that it is not going as well as it did last time. So I try to control what factors I can and sometimes that interferes with Trent's line of thinking. I have kind of tried to stay away from him a bit this past couple of days because I can tell I irritate him. And let me be honest, he irritates me too. When he doesn't feel good he says things that I don't want to hear and it irks me. He talks more about the 'what ifs' and I hate that. I hate it because I know it is all a possibility and I can't change that. But then things happen to remind me what we are learning through all of this. For example...

Today in church Zach gave a talk in Primary. He wrote it all himself and even added a picture of Trent to his outline. He gave a basic overview of the things we have been through the past few months. At the end he bore his testimony that God is a God of miracles, then he started to cry, and said he had seen too many miracles to ever doubt that. Oh my gosh that boy makes me cry! Every adult in the room was in tears! One lady came and told me what a sweet, spiritual little boy I had. She is right, he is a kid way beyond his years in many ways.

Round Four Complete

Well, after eighteen pounds of water weight, six IV sticks, one blown out vein, and two days of chemo, round four is complete.

When the docs rounded today nobody had too much to say. They were all working really hard to get us out fast because last round we had to stay a whole extra day to work out all the drugs Trent was on. So when one of the pharmacists came back to chat for a minute I asked him if the docs are told not to be too encouraging to the patients. You know, to say things like, "You can beat this!" or "You are doing great!" It always strikes me as odd and I wonder if they are holding stuff back from us, so I asked him outright what the deal was. He seemed really surprised at my questions. He responded that they had all just come from a room where the patient was on a continuous morphine drip for comfort so when they get to Trent he looks great to them. He said that Trent was the healthiest one on the floor so there was not a whole lot to talk about except how fast they could get him out of there. That made me feel a whole lot better but it would be nice to hear from your doctor how great you are doing.

Because of Trent's insistence on getting out early the whole staff was busting their buns to get everything ready. We finished chemo at 2 pm and took just long enough to shower and get Trent dressed. We were outta there by 2:45! It was awesome! We are really hoping that the time at home goes as well as it did last time. Trent is already feeling the full effects of being on chemo for two days. He is absolutely wiped out. But he had just enough gusto in him to attend Pack Meeting tonight and watch Zach get a bunch of awards. Someday that won't be such a huge accomplishment. Someday soon.

Round Four

We started Round Four yesterday. Thankfully it got started early enough that we will probably go home tomorrow afternoon. After we checked in we asked for a Gait Analysis for Trent. Guess who wins our 'cane debate'? ME! We were told that the back pain Trent has been having is because he is leaning so far to one side to compensate when he walks. So they brought out the cane and guess who walks like a new man? It is amazing how much better he walks! We will have to do some out patient physical therapy to strengthen all of his muscles and make sure he doesn't have a limp.

Last night we had the funniest thing happen. Kim-the nurse assistant who sang the Muppet song to us last time, came in and offered to sing for us again. She is hilarious! She brought in Charlie to help her sing the Poop Song to Trent. They learned it from 'Scrubs'. You can watch the original below but be warned--it's poopey! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-OIgXyvzUU&feature=player_embedded The nurses were pretty good--althought there was less dancing!


They even got Trent to sing the patient's lines!

This is chemo Trent-starting to get a little puffy! He has already gained 8 pounds of water since yesterday.

Tonight was spent putting together little baggies of hard candy for the other cancer patients. Eric and Tanya Mathison challenged us to honor their son's memory by making a difference for someone else on the anniversary of his death. Our choice was obvious. Sitting up here surrounded by people fighting for their lives is sobering. Some sit alone, some are young, and some are old. It doesn't matter what your circumstance--cancer is horrible for everyone. But doing something to help someone else has been good for us to take our minds off our own troubles and make a difference for someone else.

We will be having the next scan on September 13 to see if the cancer in Trent's lungs is responding to the chemotherapy. So our prayers continue for another miracle!

Chemo Eve

Ever heard of Chemo Eve? Well, it is this new holiday we usually celebrate surrounded by our kiddos trying to enjoy every last moment before chemo starts again. It is not a highly anticipated holiday...but it always involves a good dose of fun and a bigger dose of dread.

Tomorrow at 9:30 we will be checking into the Huntsman once again to begin Round 4. We are going with the same medication as before...Doxorubicin and Cisplatin. Somewhere between this round and the next we will have a CT scan to determine if this regimen is working. We feel really good about it and Trent has not had any pain in his chest for quite a while. That has got to be a good sign. Trent has gotten better and better each day. He still tires quite easily but he has been able to stay up for longer periods of time and resume some normal activities. He no longer uses crutches at all although whether he should is still up for debate! I want to make sure his muscles are trained as well as they can be to minimize a limp. But Trent doesn't like being dependent on them. We'll see what the doc says...

We are heading into Round 4 with a positive, optimistic attitude. We are anxious for confirmation of what we feel is happening. We are still praying constantly that the cancer will be completely erradicated from his body and he will live a long healthy life with his family, as long as it is the Lord's will.

We LOVE Visitors!

Trent has done better this weekend. He has gotten better everyday. He still has his days and night mixed up but we are working on that. He has started walking with one crutch only and much of the time he doesn't use a crutch at all. Now we are staring down the last week before chemo again. Yuck. But, it does get us closer to another scan which are anxious for. We would love to see verification that our prayers are being answered. Don't let me fool you...we have seen many of our prayers answered lately and in ways we did not expect, but there are still more prayers we hope are being heard!

We had have many visitors this past week and we have LOVED IT!

Trent's brother's family.

Alex, Me, Trent, Troy, Kristi, Ben, and Rachel

This is Sam, our nephew, who stayed with us a week ago. He was loving that he and Trent had the same haircut and he rubbed Trent's head forever! So cute!

My sister and her family.
Dan, Melissa, Sam, Macy, and Amelia

My Uncle Kirk and Aunt Judy

Buddies from Trent's old work.

Trent, Kortney, and Derrek

Trent's brother's family.

Trent, Travis, Savannah, Angie, and Sophie

Then we had a special visit from our bishop and his family from Lincoln, Nebraska!

(Back row) Trent, Bishop Hahne, Matson, Me

(Front row) Sami, Jacob, Leann, and Emma

We were thrilled with all our visitors and love that they would take the time to come see us! Thank you so much for making our family feel loved!

Still Dropping

Labs were done today. After having 20,000 white blood cells on Monday-after the Nulasta shot, we are down to 900 today. It's not the lowest Trent has been but we are on high alert again. No germs whatsoever! We are going to try to make it the whole cycle without a hospitalization. That has never happened to us before. Trent is mostly tired but not feeling too terrible. He even got out the pad and pencil today for some drawing. He is a little rusty but he'll improve! :) I am just glad he is doing SOMETHING!

Trent finished his last dose of Vancomycin and Meropenum today. Boy are we glad for that! He has had his port accessed forever and was really glad to get that out today. Small victory, but we will take it!

Slippery Slope

This chemo thing is a very slippery slope. One day you think you are doing okay and then the next you are sliding out of control and can't stop. That is what life has been for us. Trent has done really well this round with the nausea. But as he nears the neutropenic days his slope is quite slippery. He is completely zapped of all energy. He can hardly move. Today he was laying in bed unable to move. He looked paralyzed. He asked me for help to sit up so I started pulling on his arms. He just flopped over like a rag doll. Somehow, this struck me as very funny. So I started laughing and then I was no use at all. I couldn't pull him up for anything. Before he was sick we used to play a game with each other, "Lift me as if my life depended on it". Trent would say, "what if the house were on fire?" and then I would try to lift him with every ounce of muscle I could muster. Of course I failed miserably every time and would blame it on the lack of adrenelin. So today when I tried to lift him it just struck me as funny. Kind of sick, I know.

He is still eating really well but hates to take his pills. I have to put my foot down and force him to do it sometimes. He is getting really frustrated about not being able to be productive. His mind is a little mushy from being so tired and it irritates him.

He did not end up needing blood like the nurse predicted. I was looking at him yesterday and he was way too pink to need blood. We are expecting his levels to be way low on Thursday when they draw labs and he will most likely be neutropenic. Hopefully by next Monday he will start to feel a little better.

We are only two days away from being done with the IV antibiotics. That will be a big relief to have those done. I don't really mind doing it but I have to set my alarm to get up and change the meds. Then we change them five times throughout the day. It has been going on for six weeks now. I am sure Trent is more than tired of it. As soon as the meds are done they can de-access his port. It will be nice not to have a tube hanging from his chest all the time. And hopefully we will both get a little more rest!

Amazing Day

We had the opportunity to attend the baptism of a very cute kid today. The bonus is that it was Nate's son! Suzy's family was so great to us. Her dad actually went to the bishop to request that Landen be baptized 2nd out of 7 instead of 4th so that Trent didn't have to sit so long. Trent got to stand in the circle and help give Landen the Holy Ghost. It was so neat. We had many people that we only barely know tell us that they have been praying for us. You have no idea how much that helps our spirits. It is humbling and inspiring each time we hear it.

I have been amazed all day today at how well Trent is doing. He is tired beyond belief but has not had any nausea at all. His appetite is normal and I am giving him WHATEVER he asks for. It is just so nice to have him doing this well post chemo. He is dealing with the chemo taste in his mouth all the time and that is really bothersome but we do our best to mask it with juice and lifesavers. He can't even drink plain water because it is so metallic tasting. Despite that, he is keeping his appetite and looks great. He napped most of the day and when he got up he was normal chipper Trent. I really thought I had seen the last of "Trent" for a while when we started chemo Monday. That was a major reason why I was dreading the chemo so much. Trent just isn't himself, mentally, during chemo and I hate that. But this time I have been pleasantly surprised. I keep thinking the worst is yet to come but all the while I am keeping my fingers crossed that this is as bad as it gets this round!

Still Surviving

Trent is doing pretty well. We got discharged yesterday around noon. All day yesterday he help up pretty good but I could see him getting more and more tired. Today is worse. He just doesn't have any energy at all. To date he has not thrown up once. He has had a little nausea but we have pulled out the full arsenal of drugs to combat this and so far it seems to be working. When we were checking out of the hospital the nurse told us to expect blood transfusions by Monday because his counts were dipping so rapidly. I hope she is wrong but if not, we've been down that road before! I am sure we can handle it without too much trouble.

I am probably really dense but it is still very hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that this is our life. I keep thinking that someday he will be better and life will go back to the way it was. But guess what, it won't. Trent is physically scarred to the point that he will never return to "normal". There are many things that he will never be able to do again. I hope that he will be able to do the things he loves in just a slightly different way. I am sure we will spend the rest of our lives watching for cancer to return. I don't want to live in fear and neither does Trent. I guess that is part of having faith. Faith in the immediate outcome, and faith in the possibility of many, many good years to come.

Round Three Day Three

We started out pretty good today. Trent slept pretty well even though he was up every two hours to go to the bathroom. They have to pump him full of fluids to make sure his kidneys can flush out all the toxins they put in him. Unfortunately the fluids made him swell up like a cream puff. When he was admitted he weighed 215 lbs. and this morning he weighed in at 229 lbs. So of course they gave him lasiks which sent him to the bathroom a ton.

During the last round of chemo we had a nurse's aide, Nick, who acted so much like our nephew Jake. So when he was our aide this time I had to get a picture of him. We tried to introduce him to Doug and Travis yesterday but he was busy and missed them by about ten minutes. He is a really cool guy and a great aide.

Nick

This afternoon we had a visit from friends from Nebraska. Scott and Heather Church have done the whole cancer game too. Scott was diagnosed a day or two before he and Heather got married. Scott was really great to talk to us right after we were diagnosed and give us a heads up on some of what we would be going through. It was really good to see them today and to see Scott healthy. It reminded me that Trent will someday be healthy too. He can recover!

Scott and Trent

Heather and me

I played a naughty trick on myself today. I looked back through all the blog entries on our family blog. I found a few pictures of Trent we he was healthy. It made me bawl to see them! He is so different now. It is hard to imagine life after cancer. It is so far away it hardly seems like it could be real. But like I said, seeing Scott really helped. Just to see that people live through this and resume normal lives was really good.

This evening we had a bit of trouble. The nurse came in to give Trent some nausea medicine and poked his IV right through the vein. We had been having a little trouble with that IV already and when she put in the medicine the needle went right through. It burned pretty bad in Trent's arm so the took out that IV and tried for another one. And another one, and another. After being poked five different times by three different nurses he ended up with this beauty.

Of course all this took so long that they ended up not administering any more medication through the peripheal IV at all. By the time they finally got a line in, his chemo was about done so they put all the meds through his port anyway.

We got a visit from a volunteer who brought Trent a bag full of goodies including another "Get Well Blanket". I don't think I will need to make blankets for a good long time after this! That was really nice and we are grateful there are people out there giving their time and effort to help complete strangers.

All in all it was an okay day. Trent is really feeling the chemo but the nurses have been doing very well to stay on top of the side effects. So far so good. We are really looking forward to going home in the morning. Can't wait to sleep in our own bed!

Finally, a HUGE thank you Lyndsi, my sister-in-law and to everyone who supported us in the fundraiser at Texas Roadhouse Monday night. We are completely overwhelmed and in awe of the goodness that still exists. We have been blessed with amazing friends and family. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Round Three Day Two

Day two was pretty much as expected. Trent did pretty good up until about 4:00. He had a little bout with nausea but we pulled out every med we could to get on top of it. He was just starting to really feel the chemo and it is yuck. Overall he is doing pretty good so far.

His dad and brother Travis came to spend the a few hours with him. Unfortunately that was right when he was starting to feel pretty crappy. I am sure the visit was nice but he would have enjoyed it more last weekend when he was feeling good.

Grandpa Doug, Trent, Travis

The nurses knew that it was our anniversary today so they worked up a little surprise for us. Our nurses aide Jen called up to the Bistro and had them bring down two huge pieces of cake on a decorated plate. She also brought in a pretty bouquet of flowers for us. It was very nice of her and we laughed our heads off that she did that for us. She knew it was cheesy but she didn't want us to have a boring anniversary. I think this is one we will remember for a very long time!

Yumm!

This is Jen, our Nurse's Aide. She is a total crack up!

Happy Anniversary to US! Fifteen years has really flown by. We have had our ups and downs but it has been a great ride with my best friend. He means the world to me and I am the luckiest girl alive to have him forever. He is the funniest, most positive person I know. Plus, I think he is pretty handsome-even without hair!

Love you Babe! Let's go for another 50 years!

Round Three Day One

We arrived at the Hunstman today at about 11:30 am. We had a short visit with Dr. Gouw. He said he had looked at the scans from last week and was not overly anxious about the amount of growth in the tumors in the lungs. He is pretty hopeful that this new cocktail of Doxrubicyn, Cisplatin, and Aidriomycin will be successful. The way he has dosed it the chemo will only run for 48 hours. That was awesome news! We had expected to be here until Friday evening or Saturday morning but it looks like we will be done by Wednesday night or early Thursday.

Trent was telling the nurses that we were going to be here for our anniversary in hopes that we could get one of the suites. But no such luck. It is really busy here this week so we had to settle for a room with an amazing view of the whole Salt Lake Valley. Boo Hoo. It will not be a very romantic day but at least I will be with him ALL DAY! I don't think that has every happened on an anniversary yet!

We had some funny nurses in here tonight. Somehow they both ended up singing the theme song for "The Muppett Show" for us and one of them was even doing a little jig. Slightly weird but pretty funny. I think Trent brings it out in them. He just called the nurse back in and asked for another song and dance. What a goofball!

Everyone here is so nice to us. We are getting to know the staff and that is fun. Trent is always teasing everyone. Kelsey in Clinic E thinks he is stalking her-not really but they joke about it. She is the one who hooked us up with the super long couches for a nap a couple of weeks ago. Now whenever we see her she asks if it is naptime again. Then today a resident came in to see Trent. While he was doing his examination he was really massaging to feel the lymphnodes in Trent's neck and chest. Trent asked him if he needed him to lean forward so he could massage his back too. I am not sure the guy knew what to think about that but Trent thought it was funny.

The chemo has started and I am sure these fun times are going to be gone for a while. I just hope that it is not as bad as the first two rounds. Chemo is not fun but Trent sure is!

Living It Up

We had such a fun weekend. We were trying to pack in lots of fun and celebrating because we were going to be in the hospital for our fifteenth anniversary. Saturday we attended the groundbreaking ceremony for the Brigham City Temple. I was super nervous about Trent because of the heat. I took lots of water, pain meds, a hat, a blanket (for his bum) and whatever else I thought he might possibly need. He did fabulous. The weather was perfect and not too hot. We left right after and got him home to air conditioning.

Trent and myself at the Groundbreaking

We were really lucky to have some visits from his family from Idaho. Trent's Aunt Cindy pieced together a quilt for him and then the family helped to tie it at the family reunion. It is absolutely beautiful! Aunt Jean and a couple of her kids brought it down to us on Sunday. We had a really nice talk with them, shed a few tears, and shared testimony. It was really nice. Aunt Jean had a daughter, Nicki, who died from cancer about 12 years ago so she and her family know exactly what we are going through.

Carrie, Quinn, Jodi, Trent, and Aunt Jean

We also got to go out for dinner to Tepanyaki on Saturday night. We went with our awesome friends, Nate and Suzy, whose anniversary is one day before ours. It was so much fun and so good to watch Trent and Nate. Trent has been feeling so good and it is awesome to see him enjoying life. Nate usually wears a goatee and mustache. He shaved it for Trent and said he is not growing it back until Trent is better. He is so great! Nate the Great!

Me, Trent, Nate, and Suzy

We got a surprise visit from Aunt Tracy and Uncle Joe. Joe helped us move from Nebraska and was so awesome. He cracks me up-especially when he is with Uncle Richard. It was great to see them and we are so glad they stopped by. It honestly is so good for Trent to have his family around.

Aunt Tracy, Trent, and Uncle Joe

We had a great day at church on Sunday. Zach bore his testimony and made me bawl like a baby. He is such a great little kid. He is way too mature for his own good. Trent also bore his testimony. He has such a great attitude. He just gets better everyday. Man I love him!

Sunday evening my Aunt Norene, Uncle Todd and their kids came to wish Trent luck with the next chemo. My little cousin Taybree came right in and asked to see Trent. I am not even sure she knew who he was. I think she wanted to see the one her family has been praying for. Aunt Norene kept saying that this one was gonna work. It really helped me to hear her say that. I was trying to think that but knowing how bad chemo is I really didn't want to come back. But it is what we have to do and her confidence and faith helped my attitude shift just enough to get back on track.

We continue to be blessed by everyone's support. I can't imagine going through something like this without "Team Trent" behind us. I am amazed at the love we recieve everywhere we turn. The Lord is definitely watching out for us and has blessed us with so many wonderful people in our lives. You all are truly making a difference for us!