I can't believe the time has gone so quickly. I feel like I want to run back and gather it all up again and enjoy it one more time. The last few weeks have been wonderful. Trent has felt great and we used every minute we could to have fun with our kids. Trent even felt well enough to help build a deck for my parents. He loved feeling productive again and building is something he is very good at.
We went to our pre op appointment yesterday and everything is set for tomorrow. Dr. Friedberg will be arriving today. He was a little nervous that Dr. Carr didn't have the right instruments so he mailed them ahead of time. Dr. Carr showed them to us yesterday. Fascinating but a little creepy too. They were huge, not the little dainty ones I had imagined them using. We spoke with Dr. Carr at length about the surgery and risks. We are both positive that this is the correct step. But as sure as we are, it doesn't make it any less scary. Trent told Dr. Carr that he will never stop fighting. Dr. Carr told us that was a big reason why he is doing this surgery, because of our attitude. He said that some people with early stage cancers are sure they are going to die, but Trent is looking down the barrel of one of the worst scenarios possible and saying he is going to survive. He told me he would never forget our first meeting. He knew he had met his match when I started questioning him. I laughed at that, I do remember our meeting well, and I do remember putting him through the wringer and letting him know exactly where we stood and what our goals were. Those goals have not changed. We are now taking the action that is necessary to achieve those goals.
Last night when I went to bed my emotions got the best of me. I wish we had one more night to tuck in our kids and make it perfect, one more night to have scripture study and family prayer, one more of everything. I just want to make sure that if anything were to be our last, it would be memorable and sweet. I guess that is how I should look at everything. If this morning were the last time I spoke with Megan, would it be a sweet memory? or me shooing her out of the car, five minutes late for voice lessons. Did I look into Mallory's eyes and tell her I love her when she left for school or did I absently pat her on the back and tell her goodbye? Cancer has certainly changed my perspective and I need to work hard each day to make it the best that I can.
Dr. Carr and Dr. Friedberg have been in our prayers constantly and will continue to be tomorrow. We are praying that their movements will be flawless and precise. We praying for a dead tumor and a complication free surgery and recovery. We are praying for Trent to have the strength and health to endure this massive surgery. In short, we are praying for a miracle.
We are having a fast starting tonight. Please join us if you can. We thank you so much for joining your faith and prayers with ours. It has been a tremendous road, and I am afraid we have the biggest hill left before us. However, we fully trust in the Lord and His will and His ability to heal all things.