Surgery Eve

I can't believe the time has gone so quickly.  I feel like I want to run back and gather it all up again and enjoy it one more time.  The last few weeks have been wonderful.  Trent has felt great and we used every minute we could to have fun with our kids.  Trent even felt well enough to help build a deck for my parents.  He loved feeling productive again and building is something he is very good at.

We went to our pre op appointment yesterday and everything is set for tomorrow.  Dr. Friedberg will be arriving today.  He was a little nervous that Dr. Carr didn't have the right instruments so he mailed them ahead of time.  Dr. Carr showed them to us yesterday.  Fascinating but a little creepy too.  They were huge, not the little dainty ones I had imagined them using.  We spoke with Dr. Carr at length about the surgery and risks.  We are both positive that this is the correct step.  But as sure as we are, it doesn't make it any less scary.  Trent told Dr. Carr that he will never stop fighting.  Dr. Carr told us that was a big reason why he is doing this surgery, because of our attitude.  He said that some people with early stage cancers are sure they are going to die, but Trent is looking down the barrel of one of the worst scenarios possible and saying he is going to survive.  He told me he would never forget our first meeting.  He knew he had met his match when I started questioning him.  I laughed at that, I do remember our meeting well, and I do remember putting him through the wringer and letting him know exactly where we stood and what our goals were.  Those goals have not changed.  We are now taking the action that is necessary to achieve those goals.

Last night when I went to bed my emotions got the best of me.  I wish we had one more night to tuck in our kids and make it perfect, one more night to have scripture study and family prayer, one more of everything. I just want to make sure that if anything were to be our last, it would be memorable and sweet.  I guess that is how I should look at everything.  If this morning were the last time I spoke with Megan, would it be a sweet memory? or me shooing her out of the car, five minutes late for voice lessons.  Did I look into Mallory's eyes and tell her I love her when she left for school or did I absently pat her on the back and tell her goodbye?  Cancer has certainly changed my perspective and I need to work hard each day to make it the best that I can.

Dr. Carr and Dr. Friedberg have been in our prayers constantly and will continue to be tomorrow.  We are praying that their movements will be flawless and precise.  We praying for a dead tumor and a complication free surgery and recovery.  We are praying for Trent to have the strength and health to endure this massive surgery.  In short, we are praying for a miracle.

We are having a fast starting tonight.  Please join us if you can.  We thank you so much for joining your faith and prayers with ours.  It has been a tremendous road, and I am afraid we have the biggest hill left before us.  However, we fully trust in the Lord and His will and His ability to heal all things.

Disneyland!

We surprised the kids last week with a trip to Disneyland!  We told them if they were really good we would go to Lagoon on Saturday after all the soccer games were done.  So they were super surprised when we drove right past Lagoon and to the airport!  hehehe! 

Jonathan was asleep for the announcement but this was his reaction when he finally figured it out!

Trent did so well on the trip!  He could breathe so much better being a sea level...I think we might have to move! :)

Best. Weekend. Ever!

We had such a great weekend!  Trent was even feeling good for most of it which is a real plus.  Friday night Trent and I went to the Desert Star in SLC with Nate and Suzy.  On the way down I was saying that I was glad we were going now instead of for our anniversaries (which is when we had originally gotten tickets last August but Trent ended up being too sick to go).  The Desert Star is a dinner theater and at intermission they always come out and call out all the birthdays and anniversaries that people are celebrating.  I guess I feel a little uncomfortable being put on the spot sometimes and I was grateful that we were not going to be spotlighted.  Trent agreed with me wholeheartedly, so when his name was called it shocked us both.  The guy asked if there was a Trent Rasmussen in the audience.  Silence.  He asked again. More silence.  Finally Suzy yelled, "He is right here!"  Then it went something like this...

Guy: Do you know why we have you on our list?

Trent: No...

Guy: No idea at all?

Trent: Uh...no...

Guy:  It says here that you have just completed your 28th round of chemotherapy.  Is that true?

Trent squeaked out a yes and buried his face in his hands and cried while the audience applauded and gave him a standing ovation!  I was bawling and smiling like a goofball!  

Guy:  Dude, don't cry! You are going to make me bawl too!  Seriously, the front row up here can vouch for that!  I am crying like a baby!  Can I just ask, how is it going?  Are we winning, or how are we doing?

Trent: (Fist pump in the air) We are WINNING!

 Nate and Suzy bombed us twice...the guy later called our names for our anniversary too!  What a fun night!

Saturday was busy from sun up to sun down.  We did manage to squeeze in a limo ride around Brigham though!  My cousin, AJ and his wife and daughter surprised our family with a fun limo ride to get ice cream at Peach City.  We had a blast!  It was a super groovy ride with plenty of room for all of us and the best part was...no seatbelts!  Yeah, we were rebels that day.  Our limo driver, Nigel (a.k.a. AJ) was awesome!  He wore the nice little hat and got the door at every stop.  We dropped off Mallory at a birthday party and the boys at soccer.  We made sure to give a little honk so everyone would turn around. hehehe

Thank you Be Seen Limosine!  If you want a sweet ride like ours, go to http://beseenlimousine.com/

Mother's Day was the icing on the cake!  Trent and the kids worked so hard to make it nice for me.  Mallory made sure that I wasn't doing any work and all the kids really pitched in to take care of everything, including Jonathan's temper tantrum.  

They had planned a picnic for dinner so after church they loaded up the suburban and we drove to Huntsville.  We really had no idea where we would end up, just drove until we saw something we liked.  We ended up at Huntsville Square.  

Mallory

Jarom with a lovely mouthful, Trent, Megan, and Zach

Megan

  

Zach

Trent

This was Jonathan's picnic...asleep the whole time!  He didn't wake up until we left.  Luckily we had made him a sandwich too because he was starving.

 I must have been a little loopy because when Megan asked if she could try driving, I said YES!  AACK!  What was I thinking?  Trent, Mallory, and I jumped in the suburban with Megan and a sleeping Jonathan.  We gave her all the basics, starting with "the long one is the gas".  Only fifteen short feet later she nearly ran into a pole.  Yeah, that made me nervous!  I think we will practice on the driving range for a while. :)

Megan's first time behind the wheel.

 There was a monastery nearby so we drove out to see what it was all about.  Trent stayed in the burb with the still sleeping Jonathan while the rest of us went in to listen to a chant.  It was much different than our church and smelled a little funky.  I think that made the kids a little skeptical but they were super reverent and it was very interesting to see.  Mallory asked about 101 questions and it lead into a good teaching experience for us.  We talked a lot about what we believe and why.

Then we headed home.  On the way we stopped at this waterfall to take a few pics and look around a bit.  It was right off the side of the highway so we didn't stay too long.

Megan, Zach, and Jarom

Mallory and Jonny hanging out of the sun roof.  It was the only way I dared let them see the waterfall because we were so close to traffic.

It was a wonderful day and an awesome weekend.  At one point I was laying on Trent's shoulder watching our kids chase each other around the park throwing "poop bombs" (pinecones) at each other. I had the most content feeling.  I have an amazing husband who loves me so much and five kids that are the light of my life! Ahhh....how sweet life is.

Happy Anniversary!

Saturday marked two years since Trent's diagnosis.  None of our doctors ever thought he would make it this far so it was a major victory.  Trent celebrated by being sick in bed all day long.  I celebrated by calling Lisa, a nurse at the surgeon's office in Lincoln, NE, where we first heard the news.  I called her last year too.  I didn't get to talk to her this time but left a message with the receptionist.  That wasn't quite as fun but it will have to do.

Trent has been hit kind of hard by this chemo.  He has been pretty sick and had a bad case of the crazies for a day or two.  He is looking and sounding better today though.  Another busy week is ahead of us and once again Trent is going to try to go to as many of the kids' activities as possible.  He is even planning to accompany Jarom on a field trip to the Clark Planetarium.  I hope he feels good that day and is not too much trouble for the teacher!

And....It's Gone

We started round 28 on Wednesday.  Trent was feeling and looking great, although a little tired.  He hasn't been sleeping too well lately.  I think it is nerves.  We have never had this long to look forward to a surgery before.  All the previous surgeries were sprung on us in an emergency sort of way.  At least we didn't have too much time to worry about those.

Right after we got settled in for infusion, Mary Ann, a volunteer, came around with her snack cart.  She has taken a special liking to us, and us to her.  She informed us that she has a arranged for a special Mass to be held for Trent at St. Anne's church in Pennsylvania on May 31, 7:00 am our time.  It is a healing Mass and they will be praying specifically for Trent during his surgery.  How sweet!  She is the nicest lady and we just love her!  We are humbled by her faith and love.

During infusion Trent slept while I worked.  Suddenly a nurse came running by me grabbing supplies out of a nearby drawer.  Within thirty seconds there were about 25 doctors and nurses running by.  An infusion patient had gone in cardiac arrest right behind us.  Trent slept peacefully through it all while I tried my best to not turn around to look.  I did peek once and saw a nurse on the patient's bed doing chest compressions.  Ugh.  I could hear her husband speaking loudly but didn't try to understand what he said.  It was a scene I wish I had never witnessed.  After that my eyes, through tears, were glued to Trent's chest, making sure he was breathing and everything was normal.  The volunteers and nurses were exceptional, making sure that all the other patients were fine and calm.  I noticed, Cyd, one of our favorite nurses, taking over many patients and chatting away with everyone like nothing was going on.  Brent, a favorite volunteer of ours, was especially attentive while keeping an eye on the situation.  At one point I mouthed to him, "Is is bad?"  He quietly nodded.  Ugh, again.  Thankfully, they were able to get a rhythm and the patient was transferred to the U, I think.  I told Cyd how cool I thought she was.  She seamlessly took over several patients while their nurses attended the patient in distress.  I am sure many other nurses did the same thing in other pods and I was so impressed how the situation was handled.  It shook me up a little bit, realizing how vulnerable each patient was to the poison being pumped into their bodies.

At the end of Trent's infusion, he mentioned that was his last one before surgery.  Soon all the nurses and CNA's were gathered around to sing the 'Congratulations' song to him.  He had it sung to him once before, last year before the sternotomy, with only three nurses because it was late at night.  This time he had a full chorus!  They sing the song to the tune of "Happy Birthday".  It goes like this, "Congratulations to you, your chemotherapy is through, we wish you good health, and happiness too!"  I have heard it sung several times before to other patients and I always feel a twinge of jealousy, but mostly relief and happiness. It was especially sweet to see all these nurse who have been helping us for the past two years sing to Trent.  Unfortunately, he'll be back...in a few months.  

After they finished singing Trent said, "Well here's you all of your unemployment in about seven months when they find a cure for cancer!"  Oh how sweet that would be!  

We are now two days in to round 28 and Trent is feeling it.  I knew the grrrrreatness wouldn't last, but it will be back!  We are going to pamper Trent for the next few days and get him through the pain of this round, then hopefully he will have about three weeks of feeling pretty good before surgery.  Then we will be on to the next can of worms...minus cancer! -and a lung. :)

If Only This Could Last...

Life has been grrrrreat! (That's for you, Trent. ;)  After a few rotten days from round 27, Trent has been able to enjoy most of the last week.  He has been busy working on his carving, which is coming along quite nicely!  Just a few more finishing touches and the masterpiece will be complete.

 
We have been busy at soccer games, track meets, pack meeting, and everything else we could pack in.   Last night we took the whole family swimming for FHE.  Trent didn't swim because the water is usually a little cold, but the rest of us had a great time.

We spent Sunday in Idaho with Trent's family and thoroughly enjoyed being in the car with our kids for five hours. I am not kidding!  We really had a fun time talking, laughing, and being together.  We listened to a great talk by John Bytheway, "Five Scriptures That Will Help You Get Through Almost Anything."  One of the main points was a scripture that acknowledged the great love God has for each of us.  Right before we listened to the talk, we were listening to church  music and one of the songs that came on was "Nearer My God to Thee."  In one of the verses it says that everything we have was given out of mercy by the Savior.  It just reaffirmed to me that everything that we have been through, both good and bad, has been out of love.  I don't necessarily think that God lovingly gave Trent cancer, but He allowed it to happen and has guided us each step of way with the attention,concern, and care of a loving parent.  He knows what it will take to make us the best that we can be and sometimes that means we have to be stretched.  We have been stretched to the utmost and I am afraid we are not quite there, but I know He is with us every minute, day, and hour.