Trent is just over 1/2 way through Round 21. It has not been as bad as 19 and 20, but still not fun. The coughing up blood has pretty much stopped. This round he didn't get the bumps on his arm either. He was mostly tired and achy from the Neupogen shot. I enjoy giving him the shots (weird, I know) but I hate what they do to him. Usually he can feel the effects within 20 minutes. We have done very well at getting him several small meals every day and I think he might even have gained a few pounds. The nausea is pretty much a non-issue with a wave hitting him only occasionally. This round we have fought the emotional battle. Trent goes back and forth and up and down. It is difficult to be the strong one all the time, to always have the positive outlook. Sometimes it feels like there are just too many people I have to be strong for and I could really use a partner being equally as strong. He has just suffered for so long and is so tired of being in pain. Sigh...I really miss my husband!
There is a quote hanging on my bedroom wall that says, "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain." I have loved this quote since I first saw it several years ago. At the time I thought my "storm" was getting Trent through school. I have though a lot about this quote as of late and how it really applies to me. For so long I have said, "When Trent gets better we can..." I have to look at life differently now. There is not time to put off things that could be done now. I can't keep waiting to really "live life" until the circumstances are perfect and life is peachy. I have to learn to have joy in the life that is now. Even though life is far from peachy and the circumstances less than wonderful, I need to learn to love what it is. Some days that is easier than others. There is something to be learned everyday and I have to be up for the education. So, shall we dance?