Looking Up: Stupid Valentine's Day

As I was gearing up for what was sure to be a very difficult day...I came up with a brilliant idea! Go shooting! That always puts me on a high for at least a few days and I figured that could help buffer the sting of Valentine's Day. So Aly, Marc, and I met Marc's brother-in-law, Phil, at Impact Guns in Ogden for some shoot 'em up fun! We had the best time shooting. I shot anything I could get my hands on...several different hand guns and an AR 15. It was AMAZING! I haven't been that giddy in a long time. :)

Many thanks to Phil who kept the guns loaded!

Aly with the AR 15

Marc and his victim

Really...who DOESN'T want to shoot that?!

We were all hoping Valentine's Day would be bearable but it still turned out to be a bit hurtful and I did some crying but for the most part I was okay...just kind of glum. I kept myself pretty busy that day. I didn't want a whole lot of time to think. I had a couple of extra minutes in the morning while I was out running errands and decided to drive to the cemetery. Bad idea. I do not find comfort there, especially without a headstone. When I got there the ugly metal marker was completely covered in snow about 2.5 feet deep. I didn't even get out of the suburban. I just sat there and bawled. I am not sure if it was worse to see it all covered up or to see the stupid metal marker. I hate both views. I hope it gets better when the headstone is placed but I doubt it. The cemetery just brings back the memories of the graveside service, not my favorite memories.

After I went to the cemetery I did a class party for Jarom and had a lot of fun doing it. When I got home I received two deliveries of flowers. One from Trent's mom saying she knew Trent would want me to have flowers on that day. And the other was anonymous, saying they were from Trent's helper. I think I have a pretty good idea of who sent those. I am very grateful to be remembered and loved. It was a hard day to be without Trent. I ordered his favorite chocolates from Mom's Candy Kitchen in Rexburg and got Trent a bouquet of balloons. I wish he had been here to enjoy them. For dinner I decorated the dining room and laid out Valentine's for my kids.

All of that heartache was just a little too much for me so I took off to St. George with a friend on the spur of the moment. It was exactly what I needed!!!! Sunshine and a complete change of scenery. aaahhhh. Beautiful! I took my camera along and had fun seeing life through a lens instead of my reality. I also took my new running clothes and gave them a couple of test runs outside. Oh my gosh that was refreshing! It was still cold in the morning but it was so good to run outside. I ran laps around the temple and then finished off with a few quiet/teary moments on the temple grounds. It was exactly what I needed.