Today marks seven weeks. It feels like an eternity. I can't believe that I have survived this long! Ironically, this was the first Tuesday that I did not wake up well before 6:00 am (which is the time that Trent passed away) and think about the events of that morning.
Last week I was asked to be the head room parent for Jarom's class. I tentatively agreed. I have been hesitant to commit to anything because I never know what emotions each day will bring. When I went to the meeting for room parents I had the opportunity to speak with Jarom's teacher. He has been so good for Jarom and even Mallory. He has already been such a blessing in our lives and continues to be. While we spoke he told me how much Trent had affected his life and made him want to be a better father and husband. Last spring Trent accompanied Jarom's class on a field trip and he and the teacher had a chance to talk a little. I don't know what Trent said or did, I probably should have asked, but I was just grateful to hear it. I, of course, started bawling. When I got to my car, I sobbed for about five minutes before I left. The tears continued all night off and on.
Zach's 13th birthday was Saturday. Now half of us have had to endure a birthday without Trent. The first thing I did when I woke up that morning was wish Zach a Happy Birthday. He threw the blankets over his head and cried. That was so hard. I was feeling as miserable as he was about it but I had to put on the happy face and make his day special. I know he was anticipating going to the Priesthood session of conference without Trent. Zach only got to go with Trent twice but he definitely felt his absence that day. I told him that I wanted him to see if he could feel Trent with him at the meeting because I was sure he would be there.
I was really looking forward to LDS General Conference. I was hoping it would be a great weekend. The talks were amazing, especially Elder Holland's. What a sermon! There were plenty of nuggets of goodness for me to chew on and internalize. Surprisingly, it was a really difficult couple of days. I was so lonely without my sweet husband by my side, enjoying the talks and council with me.
The highlight of the weekend was the announcement that young men can now serve missions at age 18 and young women at age 19. I was holding my breath the entire time! Many people were discussing the pros and cons of this change and how that would affect them. I was amazed that they were not seeing the bigger picture. Jeffrey R. Holland said it best during the press conference following the session, "God is hastening His work." When I heard that statement my heart skipped a beat. It is true...this change is definitely a step in the right direction...toward the Second Coming!
About two weeks before Trent passed away he challenged our family to finish the Book of Mormon by Christmas. We figured that was doable considering we were already in Mosiah. So since then we have doubled up our efforts to achieve that goal. As we were speeding through the chapters it dawned on me that none of us was getting anything out of our reading. So amid some protest from the kids, I decided we needed to start over, from the beginning. I purchased a study guide and we are now on our third night of studying the INTRODUCTION. Yep, that's right, three days of studying and we haven't even made it to "I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents..." I decided it was far more important for us to know what we are reading, than to be able to say how many times we have read the Book of Mormon or that we finished by a certain date. As it turns out, scripture study is now the highlight of my day. There is a fair amount of responsibility on my shoulders to make sure that my children know the gospel and gain a testimony for themselves. I know that Trent is helping in every way he can and that we are still doing this together. I just wish he were a more visible teacher.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Holly, my heart was with you as I listened to conference. It seemed that there were many more talks than usual dealing with death and grief. (Including the women's conference) After the announcement about the missionary ages, I was driving to my brother's house with my mom and we were talking about how the announcement was a sign of the times. Just think...this could double the world's missionary force! It may seem like a long shot, but maybe the Lord has heard your prayers for the hastening of the second coming and is responding in a very specific way.
ReplyDeleteIt is rather coming together, isn't it? Really, this is like fast forward. The challenge is immense and I need to kick it into a higher gear. I was running an errand for my boss tonight after work. It was a beautiful evening and I started to cry because I missed Trent so. I think we will always cry and that is ok. I'm beginning to believe we will not be crying for a long. I don't cry and drive very easily! You must have a special talent.
ReplyDeleteIt is fast approaching, and Elder Holland is so excited for the work to keep rolling along. “The Standard of Truth has been erected; no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; … the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done.” I said that every day as a missionary. It's exciting to to work for the salvation of God's children. You and Trent are doing it for your children and their children, and on and on. It's the best work there is. I also feel this urgency to get busy and do more. "I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do." Leonardo da Vinci We love you!
ReplyDeleteHolly, I thought of you during Elder Holland's talk. It was beautiful for me, too.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how hard birthdays must be without Trent there. You continue to be in my prayers, always with a plea for blessings on you and your familly and with thanks for the blessings I have received from reading all that you share.
It wasn't so much what he said but who he was.
ReplyDeleteHolly you don't know me But a friend of mine introduced me to your blog. I am so grateful that she did. My situation is different than yours, But I have learned a lot through you. My husband too has been sick for several years. Lately I have been feeling frustrated, and overwhelmed with all of the responsibilities. You have taught me to be grateful for all that I do have! You and your family are such an inspiration. I pray for you often and wish you the best!
ReplyDelete