Life's Superheros

I have done much better at keeping myself busy enough to not be a blubbering mess all day long.  However, the tears still come daily and at unexpected times. Tuesday night during scripture study Jarom was being so obnoxious and he knew it too.  I had asked him to stop several times to no avail.  Remember how I said that scripture study was becoming the highlight of my day...well, not this time!  I did very well to remain calm and not freak out...I thought.  After what seemed like a completely futile attempt to teach my children from the scriptures, we said prayer and I quickly forced everyone out of my room. I closed the door and sobbed.  Jarom kept knocking softly and I refused to let him come in.  I don't know if he wanted the iPad or to apologize, I didn't give him either one.  This parenting thing is tough and even more so when I am the only one here to do it.  Ugh.  

Wednesday as soon as the kids were at school I went to the temple to do some initiatory.  Typical of a small town, I saw about a billion people I know.  That meant hugs all around and tears too.  The first person I saw was the mother of a good friend from high school.  We talked for a minute and she shared with me that she too feels like the Second Coming is very soon.  Man I love to hear that!  It always makes me feel better, like I can do this, if it is only for a short time.  

While I was doing the work, I saw the mother of another good friend from high school.  I haven't seen her for 18 years but I recognized her right away.  I was not sure she would know me so I didn't say anything.  As I listened to the beautiful blessings I began to cry.  She then asked me if I was Holly.  When I nodded my head she swooped me up in her arms and gave me a big hug.  She whispered to me that it has been 14 years since her husband died and she still thinks about him every day, even though she has since remarried.  She wiped my tears and treated me with all the love and kindness I could imagine.  It was a beautiful experience and I am so grateful! 

I often feel like everyone who sees me knows everything about me although I don't know them, like somehow Trent's passing has changed me physically and it is obvious that I am grieving the passing of my husband.   At times that makes me self conscious and I am super sensitive to people's eyes on me.  Today as I was on my morning walk with Jonny in the bike trailer and Scout on the leash, it seemed like I was getting many looks and second looks.  I was doing my best to ignore it and keep my mind on other things.  I had gone a few miles when I started noticing how long people were looking at me.  It was then that I looked down and remembered that Jonny was wearing his Spiderman costume, mask included.  I laughed right out loud!  I love my little superhero!

Spiderman a.k.a. Jonny