We are still waiting for the new medicine to arrive. Trent is feeling more pain, especially in his right chest and that has thrown him for a loop. He is anxious, irritable, and overall feeling lousy. I don't know exactly what to do for him. He keeps asking me 'why' and I have no answer. I wish I could say, "Oh it's because....(blah, blah, blah) but it is going to be fine because...(blah, blah, blah). It is part of the plan. But what is the plan? I wish I knew! I am very good at following directions to obtain the desired end result. I am sure I am one of the few people on earth that actually reads the instructions for everything. But we are so in the dark right now. Just lay out the whole plan so we can see where the twists and turns are, how long we will be in perilous circumstances, and how it will all turn out. I can follow that.
I keep telling Trent that we are learning patience. He doesn't like to hear that and I don't like it either. But maybe the bigger lesson right now is learning to trust. When this dawned on me the first thing I thought of was this:
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
But, reading on I found this in verses 11-12, "My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction: For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth."
It's good to know we are loved. :)
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And loved you are, by Heavenly parents and earthly parents, family, friends, strangers. You have partaken of the gift of prayer by endless people. It is hard to see and hard to be patient. Though I am no "reader of instructions"I know there is a plan for you. It will be wonderful when some time we look back with extended knowledge and know. But until then it is trust. And hopefully, a blue pill will arrive soon.
ReplyDeleteYes, you are! :)
ReplyDeleteYears ago Trent was a good example to me and I really looked up to him. It was at Ricks College when I first left home and the first time I was around so many LDS kids at once. I have been following your blog and have prayed for you to be blessed. My wife is also currently undergoing chemotherapy for her cancer and I pray for her as well. I wish there was something I could do for both of our families. I sometimes don't even know what to say but I appreciate you sharing your journey.
ReplyDeleteWe have been following your blog as well. Cancer stinks desn't it! Wishing you both the best and you will certainly be in our prayers.
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