Happy New Year...I Hope

We survived Christmas...barely.  It was tough and I had more than my fair share of meltdowns.  On Christmas Eve we went bowling, like we always do.  It was fun but just made me sad.  Trent was an amazing bowler because he could hurl that ball so hard.  I was really missing him that night.  The kids were really excited though and I was really trying to put on the happy face for them.  Luckily the tears waited until I was alone in my room

Jarom throwing down a strike! 

Me and Zach-Dang it he is almost as tall as me!

I am sure this is Jarom's look of awe at his mom's awesomeness on the lane! hahaha!

My sweet Mallory

Jonny the pretzel. Every time it was his turn to bowl we had to look under all the tables to find him. Exasperating!

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Zach and Megan just chillin'.

 Before we went to bed we all got to open our new Christmas jammies.

I read some Christmas stories to the kids and we wrote letters to Trent to fill his stocking.  It was pretty lonely to see only his stocking remaining on the wall when we laid ours out for Santa.

I framed two of our family pictures for everyone then added a charm that had each kid's name and 'Dad' on it with  another charm that says 'LOVE'.

Christmas morning was better.  We opened presents with just our little family and that helped me.  Before we started we said a prayer asking that Trent would be with us.  I didn't feel anything special or different but I hope he was there.  One of the Christmas presents from my parents was a ticket to Les Miserables that evening.  All of my brothers and their wives got one too.  I thought it would be fun to go to a movie even though I would be the obvious fifth (or ninth) wheel.  I was wrong.  Really wrong.  When Trent proposed to me he gave me a music box that he had custom made with the song "On My Own" in it. He also gave me tickets to see Les Mis on stage.  I thought it was awfully poignant that was the song he chose.  Ugh.  I did okay all through the movie but by the time we got back to Mike and Lyndsi's car I was loosing it quickly.  I quietly bawled all the way home.  When we got to the driveway I cried not-so-quietly for a long time.  Mike and Lyndsi were bawling too.  Finally Mike offered to say a prayer.  That helped but not enough to keep me from completely falling apart after I ran down to my room.  

I ended up talking to a friend for several hours and during the course of the conversation I expressed how devastating it is to no longer have a "safe place to land".  I didn't realize until that moment that that is what I am feeling, that is what I am missing.  I know that Trent still loves me and I love him.  Nothing has changed with that.  But I no longer have my safe place to go where anything I say is alright, anything I feel is okay, and whatever thoughts I share are safe.  When you give yourself to someone, they take it all, every last vulnerable part of you.  And if they really love you, they hold it very sacred and dear like Trent did.  It is really hard to have given that all away and have the keeper of my heart be taken from me.  Everyone needs a safe place to land, especially during times like this.

Honestly, the next few days are kind of a blur.  I am not really sure what I did.  It snowed a lot and it was nice to just lay around and not feel like I HAD to do something.  

On Thursday I had to run to Walmart for a few things and while I was there it became very obvious that I my wedding ring no longer fits me.  I had a scare on Christmas day when I was shoving wrapping paper into a garbage bag and felt my ring slip over my knuckle.  I finally broke down and bought a stupid costume ring to wear and put my wedding ring on my necklace with Trent's wedding band.  That makes my heart heavy.  I don't like not seeing my ring when I look at my hand but I would be devastated if I lost it so this will have to do for now.  

Friday we went to SLC to stay for a few days at a hotel with all of Trent's family.  I knew it was going to be hard but wanted my kids to have some time with their cousins.  It started off badly when at the entrance to the parking garage it said the clearance was 7 ft.  Not a problem.  But when you get inside and then they have another sign that says, be careful...some places the clearance is only 6 ft---that's a problem.  Yep, we scraped the ceiling on every corner, down four levels until we found a spot to park.  People were staring at us in horror as if I was too stupid to know what was happening.  I was not really thrilled to say the least.  I went straight to the front desk and demanded (in a mostly nice voice) that they go retrieve my suburban from the garage and park it in valet parking for the remainder of the weekend, which they did.  Luckily we have a luggage rack on the top of the suburban and there was no damage to the vehicle itself.  And truthfully, it didn't hurt the luggage rack at all either.  But really, how annoying!  

Within ten minutes of being at the hotel the staff had already mistakenly assumed that I was married to my brother-in-law, Dave.  I should be grateful that there are men in my life who will step in and assist in any situation but it was like a stab to the heart which made the tears start flowing.  The kids wanted to go swimming but I was in no mood to go.  I went down with them but only lasted a few minutes before I was in the hall bawling my eyes out.  I felt like I was trapped with nowhere to go, no privacy of any kind, and a million eyes all on me.  I called a friend who let me bawl and rant and rave for as long as I needed.  It was one of the worst meltdowns in a while.  Ugh.  During that phone call I got a call from another man who has recently lost his wife.  I was nervous I would not be able to talk to him because of my emotional state.  I cannot say enough about how healing it is to talk to people in my same situation.  We talked for about 45 minutes and by the time we hung up I felt so much better!  I hope he did too.   

The next day we all met up to exchange gifts and later do a little shopping and get some lunch.  After we ate I let Jonathan play in the play area and within a few minutes he came back to me with a bloody nose after bumping into another kid.  He was kind of done at that point so we decided to head back to the hotel and let him rest.  Thank goodness we did because as soon as we got there I was deathly ill.  I spent the entire day and night sicker than a dog.  I laid there thinking about Trent and how it must have been to feel that way 24/7 for two and half years!  That only made me feel worse.  It makes me mad all over again that he had to suffer so much!  Later, Zach told me he knew that Dad was with me and taking care of me the whole time I was sick.  That kid always knows just what to say. :)  My brother-in-law gave me a bunch of really good meds that completely knocked me out.  I really have no idea what my kids did all day.  I know that Zach was pretty concerned and he stayed with me almost the entire time so he could watch Jonathan.  When I woke up the next morning I took the second dose of a couple of meds and became so dizzy I could hardly even stand up.  Unfortunately I was supposed to take family pictures for everyone in a couple of hours.  My brothers-in-law were very helpful and got everything loaded into the burb for us.  I never could have done that myself.  I was very loopy!

Thankfully everyone was very cooperative for pictures, including all the little ones.  Again, I just couldn't stand the thought of not having Trent in our picture so I brought him along. :) I would have preferred to do the photos outside but with little kids...what a nightmare!  There will of course be some editing on these photos but I think they turned out okay, minus the hideous carpet!

The entire Rasmussen Family-except Jorden

I was doing pretty well as photographer, although I had to keep sitting down in between shots and such.  But this one got to me.  Jonny wanted his picture with Daddy.  I crouched down to get some shots of him and the tears started flowing.  I didn't want to make a scene so I was trying really hard to keep it in.  I hope no one noticed my shoulders shaking...sigh.

Jonny wanted his picture taken with Daddy. :'(

Our gift from Doug...I am so glad he put Trent's name on it too.

Trevor had to drive our suburban for me because I was having a really hard time focusing on anything.  While we were driving he told me about a dream that he had about Trent.  He said that he knew that Trent was leaving on a mission and he was looking for me so I could say goodbye to Trent.  When he found me Trent and I were apparently mad at each other and didn't want to hug or say our goodbyes.  I know it is just a dream but it kind of bugged me.  What if Trent really is mad at me?  Why?  I can't shake the thought yet.

I am glad the weekend is over.  I know the kids had a great time and I could have had a better time if I was not so sick.  But, the love and concern we felt from all the family was comforting, although very difficult to endure.  It just felt so empty without Trent.

I was looking back at our goals for 2012.  Trent's goals were to get rid of cancer and make his body healthy.  Well, I think he did that...just not how I wanted him to do it.  Our goals for 2013 will be different than we have done in the past.  I am sure there will be the usual, be healthy, exercise, achieve ranks in scouts and advancements in YW/YM, etc.  But I think we are going to have to scale it back a bit too, back to the basics.  Be happy, have purpose, truly feel, and serve.  Some of the basic things in life are the hardest to achieve right now.  Each year our wish is that the coming year will be our best.  2012 did not really live up to that for our family but we have no where to go but up!  I know that 2013 won't be our best year because Trent won't be with us...but we can certainly try to make it better than the last.  Happy New Year everyone!

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

As 2012 draws to a close our hearts are breaking.  Life without Trent will never be the same.  We are lost, broken, and afraid.  But in the midst of our sorrow is hope.  Hope in our Savior, Jesus Christ, and in His plan for us.  Hope in His redeeming love and triumph over the grave.  Hope in eternity and forever families.  Hope in tomorrow and brighter days ahead. 

We are picking up the pieces each day and trying to make our Daddy proud of what we do and who we are becoming. 

Megan is an excellent student and is enjoying being in arioso, an all girls’ choir.  She has a beautiful voice and enjoys writing her own piano music and lyrics.

Zach is also at the top of his class and is enjoying scouts and learning to play the trumpet.  He has already treated us to “taps” under the flag pole in Trent’s honor.

Jarom is a natural leader and excels in everything he tries.  He has enjoyed playing on his competitive soccer team and learning to shoot guns.

Mallory was recently baptized.  She is also learning Spanish.  She has a great accent and can understand most of what is said to her and is beginning to speak whole sentences in reply. 

Jonathan has changed his name to jonorias and will correct anyone who calls him otherwise.  He is constantly in a costume of some sort such as spider-man, a knight in shining armor, or fix-it-felix.  He is also enjoying preschool.

I am trying to stay busy by volunteering at the schools, serving in relief society, and being a mom.  I have also enjoyed learning to shoot-Guns and cameras! 

We are facing the hardest thing I can imagine but our faith is sure.  We have been blessed beyond measure and are so grateful for your love and support of our family.  May 2013 be full of love and blessings to you all! 

That was this year's Christmas letter.  I wish I could say all was well and happy at our house this year, but it is not.  Christmas was so fun with Trent and this year my heart is not in it at all.  I am sure I am still somewhat numb to my reality, otherwise I would be much, much worse.  I think I have spent the last month trying to ignore the fact that we have to celebrate this special holiday without the most important person in my life.  It has been difficult to decide how to celebrate because it is almost as if we have two sets of traditions...those with did with healthy Trent, and those we did when he was too sick for anything else.  I think we will morph into a new set of traditions and keep the best of both kinds of Christmas.  We are going to try to enjoy the day as much as we can and look forward to the day when we are all together again.  Hopefully it won't be long...

I was in charge of the entertainment at out ward Christmas party this year.  Greg and Erin helped me put together the following video.  I love the ending...

Reality...

We are still trying very hard to be happy and busy but the reality of our situation is sinking in.  As we get closer to Christmas my heart gets heavier.  I am not sure where my emotions are from day to day.  Sometimes I push Trent far out of my mind to just get a few minutes free from pain.  At times I have even looked at his pictures and felt nothing. Nada. Zilch.  But the majority of the time he is at the forefront of my thoughts and his absence is painfully real.  

For FHE on Monday I took all the kids to Megan's Christmas concert.  It was well done and I wish I would have been able to enjoy it more.  Concerts with children are not to be enjoyed though.  Jonathan talked THE ENTIRE TIME.  He also flipped the lady in front of us in the head about a million times with his super hero bands (a.k.a. Mallory's stretchy headbands).  During the course of the evening I caught Zach and Mallory pinching Jonathan at different times, and had to field about 20 loudly whispered questions from Jarom, none of which had anything to do with the concert.  Needless to say I was frazzled by the time we got home.  

After the concert Megan was having a really hard time and I was doing what I could to help her.  She is a tough nut to crack though.  Her mood carried over to Tuesday and we opted to have her stay home from school.  What she may not have realized was that when a kid stays home I make them hang out with me!  I had been asked to play the piano for a sing along at the Perry school so I dragged her along with me.  She was delightful and had a fun time singing and dancing with the 4th graders.  As soon as I dropped her off for her drivers ed class her mood was in the toilet again.  Ugh.

I believe this was "5 Golden Rings" in the 12 Days of Christmas.  Nice pose Megan!

I had been having a pretty good morning but saw an old friend at the school who didn't know that Trent had passed away.  That shifted my thoughts and my mood for the rest of the day.  That evening we decorated our Christmas cookies.  That was Trent's all time favorite thing to do each year.  We used his grandmother's recipe that was written in Trent's handwriting so it kind of felt like he was participating in some way.  We had fun and made some pretty interesting looking cookies but I really missed Trent doing it with us.  

By bedtime I was an emotional wreck.  Everything was making me cry.  I said the family prayer and sent the kids to brush their teeth.  I just sat on the floor and cried.  Zach heard me crying and came to give me a hug.  He then went through our regular "pick me up" dialogue. 

Zach: Hey Mom, I love you.

Me: Zach, I love you too. 

Zach: Hey Mom, Dad loves you too.

Me: I know Zach, Dad loves you too.

Zach: Hey Mom, the Second Coming is today.

Me: Thanks Zach.  One of these days when you say that it is going to be true.

After the kids were all tucked in I went to bed and bawled.  Not long after that I got a call from a friend who was kind enough to listen to me cry and vent until the wee hours of the morning.  Luckily I was able to catch a few ZZZ's at the library the next day while Jonathan was in preschool.  It was only slightly embarrassing to wake up with my mouth hanging open after the book I was "reading" fell.  ;)  

Yesterday I got a call from a friend who is also about to have her world turned upside down.  We are still praying for their miracle but preparing for the worst.  It is so hard to see other people have to face this same horrible trial.  It makes me crazy that it is happening so often and there is not one thing anyone can do to stop it.  Still, I find peace in talking about it, offering my small insights and tidbits that I have learned along the way or just a shoulder to cry on.  I cannot deny that we were so blessed throughout the entire time that Trent was ill.  There were many tender mercies given even though we didn't always want to accept them as such.  We just wanted to be living a normal, healthy life that didn't need all the tender mercies.  

As we were talking I was reminded of a quote I recently read, "Give God the benefit of the doubt."  Sometimes it is very difficult to remember that God's plan is far better than anything I could come up with.  I happen to think it would have been a great plan to have Trent be well and happy and ALIVE to grow old with me.  But, I will be the first to admit that I am not the smartest one in this equation.  My vision is so short sighted and I know that God is carefully leading me through the darkness.  I am hanging on with everything I have...

Never a Dull Moment

Heads up...this is going to be a very long post with lots of pictures.  I probably should have blogged earlier in the week but we have been busy!

Last Sunday we got a visit from a family who follows our blog.  We had never met before so it was fun to make new friends.  They brought us five of these amazing homemade gingerbread houses for the kids to decorate. WOW!  I am in awe at the amount of work those must take!

AMAZING!

Savannah, Austin, Jordan, Alean, Jalen, and Kayla

Monday night for FHE we headed out to Corinne for the Polar Express ride and a visit with Santa.  We rode the "train" all through the streets a Corinne to see all the lights.  Jonathan was in heaven!  The kids were laughing and having a good time posing for pictures with our budding photographer, Megan.

Mallory

Me and Jonny

Megan and Mallory

Megan

Jarom

Zach

Polar Express.  It had two more "passenger cars" behind this.

After the ride we all got our picture with Santa-which we haven't received yet.  Jonathan was more than happy to tell Santa exactly what he wanted for Christmas but as soon as we wanted a picture he threw an absolute fit right in front of everyone.  I just smiled and said, "Merry Christmas everyone!"  What a twirp!

UPDATE: Here is the beautiful photo at the Polar Express. :/

Inside Santa's workshop-with Jonny throwing a fit on the floor. 

While we were checking out Santa's Workshop, Mrs. Claus came in and offered to give us a personal tour of her home.  The kids were super excited to see where Santa Claus lives.

While we were inside Mrs. Claus got a phone call but couldn't find her handset so she answered this wall mount antique phone!  The kids didn't even know what it was.  Jarom was especially interested in how you "dial" so she let him call Grandma from her phone. Sweet!

On the way home we stopped for hot cocoa at 7-11, or Josh's Slurpee Shop as Jonathan calls it.  I was super nervous having all the kids handle that hot liquid and was hurrying as fast as I could to get all of them made and safely to the burb before anyone got burned.  But wouldn't you know it, just as we got to the counter to pay, Mallory spilled hers on her arm and all over the counter.  Luckily we wiped it off her arm before she got burned.

Tuesday night we decorated the gingerbread houses and the kids had a great time.  I think they had a little too much sugar and candy as they were doing it because we ended up having a Christmas dance in the living room with the music blaring loudly.  Good times, good times.

The next night we all jumped in the suburban and went to Logan to see Pickleville Playhouse's "I Believe in Christmas".  All I had was my phone so the pictures are less than wonderful.  The play was about a widower and two children having their first Christmas without his wife.  I was surprised how little that bothered me.  I guess I didn't let my mind really "go there" in the hopes of making a good memory with the kids.  The play had lots of fun music, dancing, and comedy and we all had a good time.

Jarom and me

Jonny, Mally, Megan, and Zach

Of course we had to stop for treats after the show.  It wouldn't really be an "outing" unless we ended it with a treat, at least that's what Trent always said.  Because it was so late, we opted for the drive thru at Wendy's and happily ate frosties all the way home.

With so many good days all in a row I was bound for the crash, which happened on Thursday.  I had been dealing with some unwanted advances from an acquaintance and it was really bugging me.  Then I got a call from Jan, Dr. Carr's "Superwoman" from the Huntsman.  We love her so much and I was so glad to hear from her.  It was difficult too though.  She told me the she had been devastated when Trent died and had been too emotional to call until now.  I sent their office a Christmas card and apparently our picture had them all in tears.  She told me how much she loved and respected Trent and that he was one of the few she "let in".  Among other things she told me that she knows he has been with her many times, helping her care for other patients.  It was a pretty emotional phone call.  I loved speaking with her but it brought many emotions to the top that bubbled over for the rest of the night.  Unfortunately we had to go to Pack Meeting that night and I was a mess.  The scouts were doing a bunch of service projects for Christmas.  I hung out as long as I could then slipped into the overflow of the chapel where it was pitch black.  I curled up in the corner and cried and cried and cried.  Oh brother.

The next morning I was still in a huff.  I had a lunch date with two others who have recently lost their spouses and I was nervous that I was going to be horrible company because of my mood.  Before I went into the restaurant I pasted on my fake smile and said a little prayer.  The fake smile only lasted a minute though, there was an instant connection and my heart was soothed.  I cannot express how much it helped me to talk with them. I felt the spirit many times and it lifted my mood tremendously.

When I got home, no one was there so I started planning the class Christmas party for Jarom's class next week.  After a while I got a call from my mom asking if I had come and picked up Jonny.  She was frantic as she explained that he had been with her at a friend's house but now he was nowhere to be found.  At this point he had been missing for about ten minutes and they were already combing the neighborhood trying to find him.  I jumped in the car as fast as I could.  The whole way there I was praying, pleading with Trent to be with Jonny and protect him.  I told the Lord I couldn't do this, He couldn't have two of my boys.  All the horrible thoughts of what could happen were running through my head but I didn't feel the gripping fear that you would normally feel.  I was by no means calm however.  I was frantic as I ran through the friend's house screaming for Jonorias-knowing he wouldn't answer to Jonathan.  I then ran down the street screaming for him over and over.  As I ran I called 911.  I gave the operator my location and asked her if anyone had picked up a four year old boy.  While we were on the phone a call came in from dispatch saying they had a small child in a squad car.  I ran to my car and drove there as fast as I could.

In the short fifteen minutes that he was gone, Jonathan had run, with ipad in hand, six blocks northwest, across one of the busiest streets in Brigham, in the rain.  Just as he crossed the big street, an ambulance was being called out and the crew saw him and made a call to the police saying there was a small child running down the road alone.  A police officer was only a few blocks away and came and picked him up.  When I got to him he was all smiles, playing Minecraft in the back of the squad car.  I flung open the door and he said, "Hi Mom! Look where I am! I am in the police car!" Oh my gosh!  If he wasn't so dang cute...*%(#@*(#$&

After we got home and my heartbeat returned to normal, I asked Jonathan how he crossed that big street.  His reply filled me with the sweetest peace you can imagine.  He said, "My dad came back alive and held my hand."  Of course he did.  Trent would never let anything happen to any of his kids and I know he was with Jonathan every step of his little adventure.  I guess Trent won't be in as much trouble when I see him again.

We ended the night with a very soggy trip to City Creek and Temple Square.  It wasn't the ideal weather but we still had a good time.  We are not living the ideal life either, but we are trying to make some good memories each day.  Sometimes those memories don't happen as I plan them but I know I will never forget the day that Daddy held Jonny's hand.

Beautiful Dream

So far we have done pretty well at keeping busy.  We attempted some more doorbell ditching the other night .  At the very first house Mallory and Jarom jumped out to get the gift out of the trunk of the car.  Two seconds later Mallory was bawling at my door that she had just gotten hit on the head with the trunk door!  I couldn't believe it!  Are we cursed or something?  Next time we try to do secret service we are all wearing helmets!

Saturday morning my kids got to participate in the Shop with a Cop program.  I dropped them off at the assigned place and got them all signed in.  The room was full of cops, volunteers, and happy little kids in unfortunate circumstances.  Sadly, we knew quite a few of them.  Cancer stinks!

As I was getting ready to leave I noticed that Zach was out of sorts.  He was mad because he didn't want to be babied just because something bad happened to him and he would rather give than receive.  I tried to tell him to just enjoy it because all these people were trying to do something nice for him.  Of course, that got the tears started and I left the building bawling my eyes out.  Ugh.

When I went to pick them up they were all very excited.  I met each of the cops that helped each child.  One cop reached out and gave me a big hug as I thanked him.  Yes, tears were flowing!  A woman named Penny whom I have never met, came to me and asked if I was Megan and Zach's mom.  I told her I was and she started crying.  She told me how impressed she was with my beautiful children but then left without saying why.  You know it...more tears!  I am very grateful to such a wonderful community reaching out to us and others at this time of year.

Yesterday I got to go shooting again only this time it was with a camera. :) A friend asked if I would take her family pictures. I was happy to do it and it was a good chance to practice with my new camera. Greg came along to give me some pointers.  It was freezing and the family has a newborn baby so we had to be quick.  We took pictures for a bit then jumped in our cars to warm up before taking more.  It was really fun for me and the family was super cooperative and patient with me.

Me and my "subject"!

I woke up before five this morning and laid in bed thinking about Trent.  Eighteen years ago today I met my soul mate.  Trent and I were both attending Ricks College and I was working at Broulim's Supermarket.  I had been dating a guy for a little while and he had asked me to the Christmas dance which was on December 10.  However, a few days prior his roommate made a derogatory comment about my roommate so I broke up with him.  Logical right? ;)  I can't explain it, it just happened.  Anyway, that made me available on the 10th, which is the important part.

Trent came into the store and I saw him talking to a group of girls for a long time before he came to my register.  I had never seen him before so when he told me he had a question for me I assumed he was going to ask me something stupid like how to make cookies.  (Guys would come through my line and ask me that all the time--as if because I was a girl I had recipes memorized! Oh brother!)  Instead he asked me out for the following night.  I said, "Who are you? I don't even know your name!"  He introduced himself and the first thought that went through my head was, "Holly Rasmussen, yeah that sounds good."  I was never the type of girl to doodle my boyfriend's last name or anything so that really surprised me.  In fact, I had never had a boyfriend for longer than three months because I would get sick of them.  Anyway, I accepted and the rest is history.  I had no idea how that moment would change my life forever.

So today I am missing the love of my life, wishing he was here with me.  Thankfully I have five pieces of him that keep me going every day.  This morning Jonathan came running into my room and said,

"Mom, I had a good dream last night! I dreamed we were going camping and packing stuff!"

My reply:
"Oh good! Was daddy with us?"

Jonathan (in a wistful voice):
"Yes...in my beautiful dream."

That is my beautiful dream too Jonny.

Keeping Busy

I have decided that instead of wallowing through the holidays being sad and lonely, as a family we are going to stay busy.  It doesn't take the sting away but hopefully we can enjoy at least some of the things we did with Trent.

Last Saturday was the first day of our busy holiday plan.  After we cleaned for a bit in the morning, I went shooting with my brother, Josh.  We took Jarom and his friend Tyler too.  Did I mention how much I am loving shooting?  This time I practiced on moving targets.  We forgot the clay thrower so Josh just chucked the clay in the air for me to shoot.  I nailed the first one.  Josh didn't say a word.  But after I missed the next eight he laughed and said I couldn't hit the side of a barn.  Luckily I got better and hit quite a few after that.  I think I am going to have to take Hunters Safety with Jarom and Zach so we can justify getting a gun for our family.  I am surprised how much it helps me to get some stress out that way.

Jarom taking aim

As we were leaving Greg called and said he was going to be in Brigham and wondered if we wanted to go to dinner.  So I packed up all the kids and we headed out to Wingers.  We had a great time and got some fun panoramic pictures with Greg's iphone.

Jarom, Zach, Holly, Jonny, Megan, Mallory, and Greg

We already had reservations for a play being performed at the community theatre, A Christmas Carol.  We invited Greg to tag along, which he did.  We had a good laugh when we got there because right above the ticket counter was a cast photo from a production of Carousel from 1992 and I was in it!  I had no idea that picture was still up and the kids were pretty impressed.  

Megan, Jarom, Jonny, and me at the Heritage Theatre

Unfortunately the fun ended when we got home.  I started thinking how much fun we had and that it should have been Trent with us, not Greg.  (No offense Greg!)  That started the bawling, again.  Luckily I got a call from a widower friend and we bawled together.  He was having a rough day too.  You know the saying, "Misery loves company."  Well, it is kind of true.  The holidays are a pretty rough time and I am very grateful for my new little circle of friends who truly know how I feel.  I hate that we are all in this situation but it really does help to talk it out with someone who can relate.

So my plan continued onto Sunday and Zach spent some time making gingerbread cookies.  He did very well and we all enjoyed decorating a gingerbread man to eat.  Monday night for family home evening we decided to do some "doorbell ditching" with treats for a few people.  Mallory wanted to practice on the neighbors across the street. Uh, no.  That is not polite unless you leave a treat!  We all piled into the suburban to find our victim's houses.  All the kids were decked out with dark clothes and masks.  Jonny even had his Spider-man mask on!  All I had was my phone so it is not a great picture.  Megan has taken over my point and shoot camera for her photography class.

Zach and Jonathan ready for some doorbell ditching!

All was going well and we were being successful in our ditching until someone, who shall remain nameless, jumped out to get a gift from the back of the suburban and nailed another nameless someone on the head with the door.  I heard a bump and a crash.  I jumped out to find one child completely laid out on the road and the other standing over him/her trying to get them up.  After a quick pupil check and short lecture we were on our way again.  Whew.  Family Home Evening is tough, but we made it.  Now, to fill the calendar for the rest of the month!