Oh What a Difference a Day Makes!

Saturday night as I closed my eyes to sleep the tears kept slipping out.  I couldn't stop them and I didn't have the energy to try so I let my pillow get all soggy and wet.  I was so sick and tired of Trent being sick and tired!  Heavenly Father must have known that Trent and I both had really had it.  The next morning Trent seemed a little better, a little iffy, but better.  I went to church and Trent made it for Sacrament meeting.  By the time we were done with church Trent was much better.  Thank goodness for Tender Mercies!  He said, "I'm back, baby, I'm back!"  That has become our own little "George Castanza" joke.  Trent really is back!  We are going to play as hard as we can for the next week or so until we have to start it all again.  We can't let one moment of feeling good slip by, wasted, when we know there are so many crappy moments to come. 

To see the sparkle in Trent's eyes again is like a magic eraser that makes all the difficult times melt away.  When he is really sick I can feel myself retreat from him and the situation.  I know I shouldn't but it is so hard to watch and it is "safer" for me to act like I am not affected by it.  I almost become mechanical.  I go into "Nurse" mode and kinda of turn off the "Wife" part.  I figure I should be able to fix it all with his drugs-(only for him, not me ;)! )  It is frustrating when it doesn't work like that.  So, when the sparkle returns, that is my drug! 

The tender mercies in our lives are the things that get us through, small reminders that Heavenly Father IS mindful of me and my wet pillow.