Another SCAN tomorrow!

I am a little surprised the time has flown by so quickly.  Tomorrow Trent is having another chest CT to evaluate the tumors in his lungs.  The last two scans have shown significant shrinking and we really hope we will see that tomorrow too.  There are many questions to be answered tomorrow and many more questions raised.  Are we ready for surgery?  Can Trent handle surgery?  Are the tumors operable?  Can Trent handle two more rounds of chemotherapy?  Yikes!  It is like overload when I think about all the possibilities.  Some are ugly, some are not as ugly.  But they are all ugly.  Cancer is ugly.  That's why we are going to get rid of it once and for all and move on with life! 

Trent is still in bed from this last round.  He has only been out of bed a couple of times in the last three weeks.  He has been having a lot of stomach pain and more severe bouts with chest pain.  Honestly, that scares me, ALOT!  But, I have to just think that the stomach pain is from all the medication he is on and the chest pain is the feeling of cancer being kicked out of his body!  I know it scares Trent too but he won't say it out loud because then I would have real reason to be scared. 

I think that the adversary works extra hard on us when we are vulnerable.  He starts tearing apart everything that is good or positive and replaces it with feelings of inadequecy and doubt.  I have been having a hard time with that this past couple of weeks and  have had to sit back and think, "What has changed?"  Nothing, except that we are coming up on a very stressful time and are very vulnerable right now.  Prime opportunity to be ripped to shreds. 

But little by little, the Lord has reminded me that He is near and we are being cared for.  I am reminded of words or phrases or feelings that have come as answers to prayer in the past.  The blessings Trent has received are still true and valid.  I have to hang on to that-with every fiber of my being.  Cancer is not the only thing that we are fighting.  We are fighting the adversary.  Every day.  And that, as well as Cancer, is a battle we are determined to win.