The news was not good. We were really disappointed to find that the spots on Trents lungs have still been growing. There are a few that showed some decrease but the big scary ones are even bigger and scarier. They are too big to operate on or radiate. So they have changed the chemotherapy to outpatient and we will go at it for two more rounds then have another scan. These are secondary chemotherapy drugs which means that they have not been used enough to determine how successful they are. Ugly, so ugly.
We were super nervous going in and both took the news like champs. It wasn't until after we left the office that we had our melt downs. We had some time to kill between the office visit and the infusion so we went to the Visitor's Center on Temple Square to the Christus. That's where I lost it. Trent was mad and I was bawling. As we sat there they kept bringing up tour groups and playing the recording. One line kept sticking out to me. "Let not thy heart be troubled. Do you believe in God?" I had to sit and soak it up for a minute. That is going to be my new mantra. I have to remember that we are in the Lord's hands and He can take our troubles away and calm our hearts.
During the infusion Trent was really emotional. Seeing him hurt made me a wreck. I sat there with tears streaming down my face as I tried to do my work on the computer. I am sure I have a ton of typos that I did not see through my tears! My head is in a million places right now but I am working on getting back on top of things. It kind of knocks you back a bit and it is part of our test to see if we will get back up. Rasmussens ALWAYS GET BACK UP!!!!!
We had quite an exhausting day riding on that emotional rollercoaster that we have come to know so well. I hate that Trent has had to suffer so much and that this all happened to him. All I can do is try to support him and pray like I have never prayed before. It seems like such a small offering but my faith is still strong and I am doing all I can to make it stronger.
While the news was not great, it does not lessen our determination to see this through and obtain the result we want. Our road is just going to be a lot harder and longer than we had hoped.