Feed your FAITH and your fears will starve .

Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Chemo stinks, bad.  This type of chemo that Trent is on has been better to him lately, at least in the nausea category.  He hasn't really thrown up and is still able to eat pretty well.  The part that is the worst is the CRAZIES!  Every round by about the fourth day Trent cries a lot, for about two days.  Then the anger sets in...and it all goes downhill really fast after that.  I usually try to position myself as the buffer between Trent and the world at that point.  The buffer doesn't block it all though.  The other day Zach told me how much he hates chemo.  He said, "I know not to go by Dad because he will yell at me for any little thing.  At least when he was sick I could still be around him."  Ugh.  He's right.  All the kids try to steer clear when he is like this but it's almost impossible not to catch his wrath for something.  So we are waiting out the storm...hoping for our happy Dad to come back soon. 

We did have a little miracle earlier this week.  Our son, Zach turned twelve last week and was scheduled to receive the Aaronic priesthood on Sunday.  Unfortunately that is usually a terrible day for Trent in his cycle.   Trent got chemo last Wednesday-Friday and his neulasta shot on Saturday.  Neulasta always hits him really hard within about one hour. We really debated trying to wait on the shot until after church but that would have put him outside the window of the most effectiveness for the shot.  I wanted to wait and do the ordination the next week but Zach was so excited!

I gave Trent the shot on Saturday afternoon and we fasted and prayed that he would feel well long enough to give Zach the priesthood.  That is when our miracle started.  Trent felt pretty good, albeit not great, but pretty good all day Saturday.  Sunday came and he was still doing pretty good.  He came to Sunday School and was looking pretty tired and in pain.  I ran home to get him some oxycodone to help him last a little longer.  During sacrament meeting he seemed to be alright.  Zach bore a sweet little testimony about the importance of the priesthood and how many times he had seen in work for his Dad and how excited he was to receive the priesthood that day.  Dang kid, always makes me cry! 

Trent was able to give Zach the priesthood that day.  That was a major milestone for us.  When Trent was first diagnosed, one of the things that worried him the most was that he would not live to give Zach the priesthood.  I admit, it worried me too.  I had already made a plan in my head for that.  But then I listened to blessing after blessing given to Trent that promised him he would "live to raise his children to maturity" and my mind was put at ease.  We are seeing the realization of those blessings with every milestone our children reach. 


  1. Oh Holly, what a pure joy that Heavenly Father gave to your family to be given this opportunity for Trent to give Zach the Priesthood. I am sure that there were NO dry eyes in the room. What a comforting thing this must have been for Trent to know that he was able to be there for Zach at this time. How grateful I am to know that you are in ever so loving and capable hands from above.
    Much much LOVE you to guys.