Feed your FAITH and your fears will starve .

Sunday, July 10, 2011

End of Round 13

Round 13 was bad.  Well, a few days were.  They were as bad as any chemo was before Trent's surgery.  But thankfully it was only for about a week.  Trent got really sick again and was in bed for about five days straight.  He was so weak he could hardly move but then he would go into a rage and have all the energy I have ever seen.  Not good energy though.  At one point he was yelling and screaming and throwing things as I was ushering all the kids out of the room.  I have never seen him so mad!  When I looked in his eyes I did not see one thing that resembled my husband.  I was totally calm and not mad at all.  I knew that he was out of control because of the chemo and I really don't blame him for any of it.  I know he remembers what happened and feels bad/dumb about it but truly couldn't control his brain at the time.  It is just another way that cancer/chemo is so ugly. 

I took the kids upstairs and had the "damage control" kind of talk.  Zach was pretty broken up about what he saw but we talked and I explained that the medicine in Trent's body affects his mind too.  In addition to that it has got to be awful to feel so sick all the time.  We talked about patience and how we just needed to pray for the spirit to be in our home and those kinds of incidences won't affect us.  And no matter what, we love each other.  I think the kids responded pretty well and were okay after that.

We were supposed to head to Idaho for the holiday weekend but as each hour passed it was becoming more and more obvious that was not going to happen.  So we found ourselves trying to wing it and make a party of our own.  We made some crafts and enjoyed some family time.  Sunday afternoon we found  a "Love Tote" on our porch.  What amazing timing!  It was full of fun 4th of July stuff and was exactly what we needed to save our weekend.  (Thank you so much all you "Love Toters"!)  Another tender mercy. :)

Monday morning we went to a small parade.  Trent was not well enough to get out of the car so it was a good thing it only lasted about a half an hour.  We had a fun BBQ for lunch which Trent was only able to eat a little of.  We let him rest all afternoon and tried to lay low a little.  That evening Keisa and her sister Kari treated us to pizza for dinner.  We set up the new tent in the backyard and got ready for some fun!  All the kids were so excited to sleep outside.  Trent was kind of torn about it though.  He didn't really want us to use the new tent without him but I assured him there would plenty of times in the future that he would be camping out with us.  We made some candied popcorn and headed off to the neighbors' yard to watch the fireworks.  Trent did not make it out with us.  He was absolutely pooped and wanted to rest.  By the time we were ready to light fireworks of our own Trent was able to drag himself out to a chair and watch.  He mostly just laid there with his head hanging back on his chair.  He looked awful.  I felt so bad for him but I still needed to make it fun for the kids.  We got everybody situated in the tent and Trent made sure we were okay before he went to bed.  Our dog Scout, played the part of the watchdog and planted himself right outside the tent's door and stayed there all night long.  I have to admit, that did make me feel a little better. 

It took Trent until about Friday before he started feeling better.  Thankfully he gets a few good days before we head back to the Huntsman for scans.  Wednesday we will know whether or not the last two rounds of chemo have been effective on the tumor in his lung.  We are crossing our fingers and hoping for the best.  Who am I kidding?  We are praying like crazy and exercising every ounce of faith we have.  I don't think any crossed fingers ever resulted in a miracle!


  1. Wednesday is going to be a great day! I can't wait for the phone call and the cheers.. I know that the chemo is working..and cancer is on its way O-U-T! Love you in bunches!

  2. Stand strong you guys. We are thinking about ya.