"Familys Are Foever, Even with Step Familys"

Life as a remarried widow can be quite challenging.  Adjusting to life with a new man and four additional children sometimes takes the wind out of my sails.  It is hard!  Much harder than I ever expected.  We are learning how our family dynamic works and little by little we are making progress with a setback or two, or FIVE, along the way.  Being married to Brad doesn't make my sadness over losing Trent any less.  It doesn't dry up the tears and suddenly make my life peachy.  The things that were easy with Trent are not easy with Brad.  Sometimes that makes me miss Trent even that much more.  But Brad and I have chosen to walk this path together, for better or worse.  Sometimes the "worse" moments unexpectedly turn into the "better" moments...

A few nights ago Brad was putting Charlie to bed.  It was taking him quite a long time but it didn't phase me because he will often lay with her in the dark and cuddle.  I know those are his quiet moments to love on Charlie and miss Linda.  And that is okay.  I was reading to the little boys on the couch when Ryen came running to me trying not to cry.  She said, "Holly, I think you need to go comfort my dad.  He is on Charlie's bed crying."  Right then, Carter, Mallory, and Charlie came running down the hall looking a little scared.

Ryen was really trying to hold back her tears and I asked her if she was okay.  She insisted she was and that I needed to go help her dad.  I stood up and hugged her.  Of course she stiffened up like a two by four because she can't handle any type of physical touch from most everyone.  I hugged her anyway and told her it was okay to cry if she needed to.

I quietly crept into Charlie's bedroom and laid down beside Brad.  He immediately reached for me and continued to cry and cry and cry.  I was glad to be there for him and wished that it didn't have to hurt so badly.  That is one benefit to marrying a widower, we go through the same things and there are no feelings of jealousy for one another's spouses.  Sometimes triggers hit us at unexpected moments and there is not a darn thing you can do about it.  That night's trigger was the quilt on Charlie's bed.  It is made out of Linda's clothing.  She has had it on her bed for a few weeks now and Brad has seen it dozens of times but something caught him off guard and released the flood gates.  After Brad was mostly done crying we laid on the quilt while he pointed out Linda's favorite shirts, capris, etc.

When we finally emerged from the pool of tears Mallory (age nine) slipped up next to Brad, put her arm around his waist, and gave him a card she made for him.

                                             

The card reads as follows,

Dear Brad,

I know it is hard to lose someone you love with all your heart.  I am so sorry.  I know how you feel.  It is hard when you lose pepole.  It breaks your hearts when pepole pass on.  It will never be the same without them.  This song I made because of you when you were sad.  I made a song because Kaleb was sad because Jayden, he sits on the bus with, made him sit with me and Maddie.  So I made a song that is..."It is time to be happy, it is time to have freinds."  Then when you were crying I made a song that is..."Dreams will come true, hearts will be successful.  I will wait for you in the glory sky."  Brad thank you for helping me. You really are supper man.  Oh step familys aren't as bad as I thought.  You rock oh and good luck.

Love, Mallory

Rasmussen|Rasbury

The little thumbs up sticker says, "P.S. Familys are foever, even with step familys"

The picture has all of the Rowbury family on the left and all of the Rasmussen family on the right.  It was so cute.  Brad and I were both choking back tears.  She sang the little songs for us and gave him a big hug.  I was so thrilled with the change we have seen in Mallory.  She really struggled with the whole situation when we got married.  She was by far my biggest obstacle.  She has done a complete turnabout and is now one of the easiest kids to work with.  She is such a tender little heart.