Consider this shouting from the rooftops! The tumors are SHRINKING! We are a million times past estatic about this news. We were both really anxious but I felt really good about coming today. We had labs at 11:30, Scan at 11:45 and then waited. And waited. And waited. Then waited some more.
We had a little snack then settled down to kill some time. Trent napped and I did my Larabee work. By 1:45 we were about crazy so we went to our Dr. appt hoping for some fast action today. It didn't quite work that way but at about 2:50 Dr. Gouw and Grace, his PA came in the room. Grace was behind Dr. Gouw and she snuck us a thumbs up sign and whispered to Trent as she passed that it was good news. I didn't know what to do! Then Dr. Gouw finally said the words we had been longing for. "The tumors are shrinking. And what's better than that, there are no new lesions." Trent jumped up and hugged him and Grace. I started bawling. Trent started crying. Happy tears. Finally happy tears!
We will do two more rounds of chemo and then another scan on December 6. At that point, hopefully we will look at surgery to remove what is left of the tumors. We are still working on our goal of being cancer free by Christmas. The news we got today is going to go along way for us. We really needed some good news and today was fantastic!
Dr. Gouw told us that a good part of our success was due to our attitudes. However, I beg to differ...I fully believe that our prayers have been heard and answered. Your prayers have been heard and answered. Thank you so much for all the prayers and fasting on our behalf. That is where the good attitude comes from. Knowing we have so much support and a loving Heavenly Father who know us each individually and knows how badly we needed a 'W' in the column today!
The battle wages on....
Monday, October 25, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Monday's Scan
I have really been avoiding the blog lately because it is reality hitting me in the face from just one more angle. The last couple of weeks have been hard again with the Taxotere but better because of the Claritin. Still so weird to me that an antihistimine would make a difference in chemotherapy. But it worked so I am not complaining.
Trent is just barely starting to feel better today after the last dose of chemo. His counts dropped to a new low for him. On Monday he had just 19 platelets and was neutropenic again. But by Thursday his platelets were back up to 41. That is still way lower than the required 100 to do chemo, but I am sure he will get there by Monday.
Monday is the day we have been waiting and preparing for for the last six weeks. We are anxious about what we will hear but ready to meet the next challenge. Zach summed it up really well in a paper he had to write for school. He said, "...we are worried, but happy." We are happy. That does not mean we are not scared, but it does mean we have hope and faith. Lots of faith. We are doing all we can to get a miracle!
We will be fasting and praying on Sunday that the spots in Trent's lungs will be gone. Any who would like to join us would be greatly appreciated! Thank you all for all of the love and support we have been shown through this trial. We could never endure without all the extra strength we get from you. I have learned over and over again that the Lord IS mindful of us. How grateful I am for a loving Heavenly Father guiding us each day and lending us the extra love and support that we so desperately need right now.
Just two more days....
Trent is just barely starting to feel better today after the last dose of chemo. His counts dropped to a new low for him. On Monday he had just 19 platelets and was neutropenic again. But by Thursday his platelets were back up to 41. That is still way lower than the required 100 to do chemo, but I am sure he will get there by Monday.
Monday is the day we have been waiting and preparing for for the last six weeks. We are anxious about what we will hear but ready to meet the next challenge. Zach summed it up really well in a paper he had to write for school. He said, "...we are worried, but happy." We are happy. That does not mean we are not scared, but it does mean we have hope and faith. Lots of faith. We are doing all we can to get a miracle!
We will be fasting and praying on Sunday that the spots in Trent's lungs will be gone. Any who would like to join us would be greatly appreciated! Thank you all for all of the love and support we have been shown through this trial. We could never endure without all the extra strength we get from you. I have learned over and over again that the Lord IS mindful of us. How grateful I am for a loving Heavenly Father guiding us each day and lending us the extra love and support that we so desperately need right now.
Just two more days....
Monday, October 4, 2010
Stay in the Present
Is this week over yet? Dang, six days to go. It's gonna be a long one! We are here at the Huntsman for Round 6 and a blood transfusion. Trent's bone marrow is just not bouncing back the way it did the first few rounds. So along with chemo he gets a juicy little elixir of blood. Kind of sickening to watch it go in-not out. Trent has been super tired lately but other than that, okay. We are gearing up for another go around with the Taxotere next week. The docs have given us some pointers and new meds to combat the terrible pain that Trent endured last time. They said it doesn't usually hit people quite that hard. Leave it to Trent to be the odd man out. It seems like if there is a weird side effect or symptom, Trent gets it.
We had an eventful weekend in Idaho. Trent even went swimming with us. He said it felt really good to be in the water but was soooooo exhausted afterwards. He attended the Priesthood session of conference with his brothers and dad and had a nice time. I am sure it will take a few days to rest up after his travel--just in time to be knocked down again by chemo. What a cycle! I know Trent is really looking forward to a time when he doesn't feel tired.
Lately I have had a very hard time not imagining the future and what it may hold. Not a pretty picture. I feel almost as if I am betraying Trent or giving up if I let myself wonder if I am making memories or if this will be a memory. But I had a great visit from two friends today who helped me remember that God is mindful of me individually. As we were speaking they both said at different times, "Stay in the present." That is really what I needed to hear and I know that is what the Lord wanted me to hear. I am so grateful for those who allow themselves to be instruments in God's hands.
We had an eventful weekend in Idaho. Trent even went swimming with us. He said it felt really good to be in the water but was soooooo exhausted afterwards. He attended the Priesthood session of conference with his brothers and dad and had a nice time. I am sure it will take a few days to rest up after his travel--just in time to be knocked down again by chemo. What a cycle! I know Trent is really looking forward to a time when he doesn't feel tired.
Lately I have had a very hard time not imagining the future and what it may hold. Not a pretty picture. I feel almost as if I am betraying Trent or giving up if I let myself wonder if I am making memories or if this will be a memory. But I had a great visit from two friends today who helped me remember that God is mindful of me individually. As we were speaking they both said at different times, "Stay in the present." That is really what I needed to hear and I know that is what the Lord wanted me to hear. I am so grateful for those who allow themselves to be instruments in God's hands.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Ugh
Another week down. Four more to go before the next scan. The past week has been one of the hardest yet. I feel like I am hanging on by the skin of my teeth. In the beginning people would always ask how I was doing. I was incredulous thinking, "Why in the world would you ask me? I am not the one with cancer!" But now I am starting to understand. I have always said that one of us has to be strong all the time and that is my job right now, I can have a mental breakdown later-when Trent is all better. But I can see how I am being worn down by all the emotions and stress that cancer has thrown our way. I recently read a quote that said, "Tears are not a sign of weakness, they are a sign of someone who has been strong for too long." That pretty much sums it up for me this week. I have shed way too many tears and it accomplished nothing. I am attempting to pull myself up by my bootstraps and continue the fight but it is hard when you focus on uncertainty. I have to refocus and keep my thoughts and attitude positive.
That is a tough thing to do when you watch your husband writhe in pain. This week the taxotere has done a real number on Trent. Some of the side effects are muscle spasms, joint pain, and neuropathy. Unfortunately Trent has experienced all of them to the Nth degree. And to top that off, we were running really low on pain meds so we were trying to make them last until the script came in the mail. (Something I may need to discuss with the staff at the Huntsman...) Anyway, there were several times this week when Trent described his pain as a '10' on the pain scale. It was awful and there was not a darn thing I could do to make it stop. When it gets like that it scares me bad and I tend to retreat a little. Plus, a person in pain is not usually the most pleasant person to be around. So I didn't really feel the urge to sit around and stroke his head or anything. I am pretty sure that Trent has no idea what other people are going through because of this. And on the flip side-not many people know what he is going through. He tells people he is doing pretty good and tries to put on a happy face but I see it day to day and it is not pretty. It makes me mad that other peoples lives get to go on normal and we have to stare cancer in the face every single day. Oh how I wish I could see to the end of the tunnel and know what lies ahead. It would make this whole trial a lot easier to handle. But again, that is part of the test. Stepping off into the dark and having the faith to be led through.
So as a new week begins I am doubling up my efforts to be Christlike, patient, and long-suffering. I know there are many other people who have to deal with things much worse than I do. With the help of the Lord, this too shall pass.
That is a tough thing to do when you watch your husband writhe in pain. This week the taxotere has done a real number on Trent. Some of the side effects are muscle spasms, joint pain, and neuropathy. Unfortunately Trent has experienced all of them to the Nth degree. And to top that off, we were running really low on pain meds so we were trying to make them last until the script came in the mail. (Something I may need to discuss with the staff at the Huntsman...) Anyway, there were several times this week when Trent described his pain as a '10' on the pain scale. It was awful and there was not a darn thing I could do to make it stop. When it gets like that it scares me bad and I tend to retreat a little. Plus, a person in pain is not usually the most pleasant person to be around. So I didn't really feel the urge to sit around and stroke his head or anything. I am pretty sure that Trent has no idea what other people are going through because of this. And on the flip side-not many people know what he is going through. He tells people he is doing pretty good and tries to put on a happy face but I see it day to day and it is not pretty. It makes me mad that other peoples lives get to go on normal and we have to stare cancer in the face every single day. Oh how I wish I could see to the end of the tunnel and know what lies ahead. It would make this whole trial a lot easier to handle. But again, that is part of the test. Stepping off into the dark and having the faith to be led through.
So as a new week begins I am doubling up my efforts to be Christlike, patient, and long-suffering. I know there are many other people who have to deal with things much worse than I do. With the help of the Lord, this too shall pass.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Quick Update
We did the second dose of chemo for Round 5 yesterday. All is well except that Trent has been surviving on almost no blood! No wonder he passed out at the game. So we go back today for two units of blood and another very long afternoon in the infusion chair. Thankfully they can put the blood in through his port so he doesn't have to get stuck in the arm one, or six, or seven times!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Here We Go Again!
This past week was pretty tough. This round of chemo is taking a toll on Trent. It has hit him in a way that he has not yet experienced. He had been feeling so good recently, so when the new meds knocked him around a bit it kind of shook us both. It is scary to watch him go so low and try to come back from it.
By Saturday he still was not great but was determined to make it to a RSL game this season. So he and his friend Nate made the trek to SLC to watch a game. I was pretty nervous and gave Nate instructions on how to take care of him and what to watch for. Turns out, Trent passed out at the stadium and attracted the attention of the medical personnel who I thought were very poorly equipped. They didn't even have a wheelchair to offer him. They just asked if he was okay and offered a stretcher. Impressive, real impressive.
It has been pretty emotional around here. Just when I think I am over all the tears something happens and they spring up again. I also felt like everybody took the last post as defeat. I felt like people were calling and stopping by to make sure the saw Trent before he died. Like people were looking at us thinking what a tragedy was happening to our family. I even had one woman ask me how long they had given Trent to live! Really?! Just to set the record straight---WE DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!! The news was not great and it threw us for a loop but we got back up and we continue the fight, stronger and more determined than before. We appreciate the continued prayers and support, we honestly could not make it without all the extra strength being prayed our way.
So tomorrow we go at it again, for the second dose of chemo for Round 5. We expect it will be even harder than last week because he will be getting two drugs instead of one. Hopefully he will have just one hard week and then one that is pretty good before he starts Round 6. Wish us Luck!
By Saturday he still was not great but was determined to make it to a RSL game this season. So he and his friend Nate made the trek to SLC to watch a game. I was pretty nervous and gave Nate instructions on how to take care of him and what to watch for. Turns out, Trent passed out at the stadium and attracted the attention of the medical personnel who I thought were very poorly equipped. They didn't even have a wheelchair to offer him. They just asked if he was okay and offered a stretcher. Impressive, real impressive.
It has been pretty emotional around here. Just when I think I am over all the tears something happens and they spring up again. I also felt like everybody took the last post as defeat. I felt like people were calling and stopping by to make sure the saw Trent before he died. Like people were looking at us thinking what a tragedy was happening to our family. I even had one woman ask me how long they had given Trent to live! Really?! Just to set the record straight---WE DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!! The news was not great and it threw us for a loop but we got back up and we continue the fight, stronger and more determined than before. We appreciate the continued prayers and support, we honestly could not make it without all the extra strength being prayed our way.
So tomorrow we go at it again, for the second dose of chemo for Round 5. We expect it will be even harder than last week because he will be getting two drugs instead of one. Hopefully he will have just one hard week and then one that is pretty good before he starts Round 6. Wish us Luck!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Latest News
The news was not good. We were really disappointed to find that the spots on Trents lungs have still been growing. There are a few that showed some decrease but the big scary ones are even bigger and scarier. They are too big to operate on or radiate. So they have changed the chemotherapy to outpatient and we will go at it for two more rounds then have another scan. These are secondary chemotherapy drugs which means that they have not been used enough to determine how successful they are. Ugly, so ugly.
We were super nervous going in and both took the news like champs. It wasn't until after we left the office that we had our melt downs. We had some time to kill between the office visit and the infusion so we went to the Visitor's Center on Temple Square to the Christus. That's where I lost it. Trent was mad and I was bawling. As we sat there they kept bringing up tour groups and playing the recording. One line kept sticking out to me. "Let not thy heart be troubled. Do you believe in God?" I had to sit and soak it up for a minute. That is going to be my new mantra. I have to remember that we are in the Lord's hands and He can take our troubles away and calm our hearts.
During the infusion Trent was really emotional. Seeing him hurt made me a wreck. I sat there with tears streaming down my face as I tried to do my work on the computer. I am sure I have a ton of typos that I did not see through my tears! My head is in a million places right now but I am working on getting back on top of things. It kind of knocks you back a bit and it is part of our test to see if we will get back up. Rasmussens ALWAYS GET BACK UP!!!!!
We had quite an exhausting day riding on that emotional rollercoaster that we have come to know so well. I hate that Trent has had to suffer so much and that this all happened to him. All I can do is try to support him and pray like I have never prayed before. It seems like such a small offering but my faith is still strong and I am doing all I can to make it stronger.
While the news was not great, it does not lessen our determination to see this through and obtain the result we want. Our road is just going to be a lot harder and longer than we had hoped.
We were super nervous going in and both took the news like champs. It wasn't until after we left the office that we had our melt downs. We had some time to kill between the office visit and the infusion so we went to the Visitor's Center on Temple Square to the Christus. That's where I lost it. Trent was mad and I was bawling. As we sat there they kept bringing up tour groups and playing the recording. One line kept sticking out to me. "Let not thy heart be troubled. Do you believe in God?" I had to sit and soak it up for a minute. That is going to be my new mantra. I have to remember that we are in the Lord's hands and He can take our troubles away and calm our hearts.
During the infusion Trent was really emotional. Seeing him hurt made me a wreck. I sat there with tears streaming down my face as I tried to do my work on the computer. I am sure I have a ton of typos that I did not see through my tears! My head is in a million places right now but I am working on getting back on top of things. It kind of knocks you back a bit and it is part of our test to see if we will get back up. Rasmussens ALWAYS GET BACK UP!!!!!
We had quite an exhausting day riding on that emotional rollercoaster that we have come to know so well. I hate that Trent has had to suffer so much and that this all happened to him. All I can do is try to support him and pray like I have never prayed before. It seems like such a small offering but my faith is still strong and I am doing all I can to make it stronger.
While the news was not great, it does not lessen our determination to see this through and obtain the result we want. Our road is just going to be a lot harder and longer than we had hoped.
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