Crazy Week

Last week we started Round 11. The very next day was a crazy one.  However, this time is was not because of Trent.  Guess who, yep Jonathan-again.  I was just finishing up work and taking care of a few bills when Mom brought Jonathan to me with an empty package of pills.  She had no idea what it was but I did.  It was Trent's nausea pills, individually wrapped in foil packaging.  I can NEVER get those darned things open but somehow Jonathan did and started downing them.  At first I panicked, then was like, "Can I handle one more thing right now?".  I pushed all that aside and dialed poison control.  I could only guess at how many pills Jonathan had taken but, as many as four possibly.  I know he had at least one because I could see it in his teeth.  It was Ondansetron, a sweet little pill that you dissolve under your tongue to get to your bloodstream fast.  Great.   Poison control couldn't give me a lot of info on what might happen to him so he sent us to the ER.  I scooped up Jonny and headed out.  When we got to the ER we were fourth in line behind a cardiac patient, a little girl with croup, and someone who had slashed his finger.  I was a little miffed at first because of course I thought my emergency was the most serious.  But in reality, it wasn't.  As I watched Jonny play I knew he would be okay if he had to wait a little bit.  But while we were waiting he stood up on the chair and took one step-right in between the seats and went crashing down.  Luckily I caught him by his coat before he hit the floor.  At least I was already in the ER in case he needed stitches too! 

The doctor came out and assured me the levels of drugs Jonathan had in his system were not toxic and that of all the drugs he could have taken Ondansetron was pretty safe.  Then he added, "They use this drug in really massive doses for chemo patients".  Uh..yep, I know. 

We ended up hanging out and watching Shrek 3 for a couple of hours so Jonny could be monitored.  He didn't really ever show any symptoms except being little sick to his stomach and reaching for things that weren't there.  I don't know what got into him but he started peeing all over the place.  He peed his pants several times before we got out of there.  I was too tired to even be ticked.  When we got home I pulled him out of the car and that's when he lost it.  He screamed like crazy because I didn't let him step out of the car by himself.  That was it.  I was done.  I mechanically scooped him up and dragged him to the tub.  I think he screamed for ten minutes, at least.  I didn't even care.  I could see he was going to be fine and I didn't even bother to try to console him.  I guess the mommy in me had already checked out at that point. 

The first week of Round 11 was actually better than we thought it would be.  Trent struggled a little with some pain but mostly sailed right through.  He even made it to the Temple just two days after chemo.  That was a fiasco though.  We only wanted him to go if he could not be a spectacle all night.  Yeah right.  It all started when he brought an expired recommend.  Good thing my dad was with us and just happens to be our Stake President.  Then he went upstairs when he should have done down, and I never saw him come out of the dressing room.  I waited forever!  I was sure he had fallen somewhere.   When I finally found him they took us to the room before everyone else to wait.  We had to sit together because he was so weak and they escorted us first through the end of the session.  Talk about all eyes on Trent and Holly.  Sheesh. 

On Wednesday he got the second dose of chemo for Round 11, also known as THE LAST CHEMO FOR TRENT!  They sang to him and gave him a cute blanket as his graduation gift.  The plan now is to see the surgeon and hope he will do the surgery.  We meet with him on Tuesday and are very anxious to see what he has to say.  This surgery is going to be very pricey and it is out of network for us.  I am working on trying to get things worked out so we don't get surprised by the bills afterward.  We have the Financial Counselor at the Huntsman working on it too.  Hopefully her expertise will find a way to make it all happen. 

Taxotere has really done a number on Trent this week.  He gets really emotional and angry when he is on this drug.  I have to remember it is just the chemo when he acts crazy and not let it affect me.  That's kind of hard to do.  But it always goes away and Trent is Trent again. 

Today he tried to go to church.  He looked terrible.  He only made it through the sacrament before he had to leave.  He basically fell out into the aisle while I was trying to catch him and get Jonathan to come with us.  He made it out to the hall before he fell down into a classroom.  He just laid there not wanting to move.  He wanted me to shut the door and come get him after it was over.  Finally as I was trying to hoist him up by myself a guy asked if I needed help.  Yep, that would be nice.  We got him outside and I ran for the car-did I mention that HE drove the car over?  Yikes!  I didn't have any idea he was planning on that.  I finally got him home and got him to bed.  What a mess.  I wish he wouldn't push himself to do stuff like that because it always turns out crazy and everyone gets to see it.  How dramatic. 

So anyway, this week our meeting with the surgeon will answer many questions and set a clear plan of action.  We are crossing our fingers and keeping the prayers going up. 

Sigh of Relief and Jump for Joy!

More good news today!  The tumors are still shrinking!  We are so thrilled to hear this news today.  What a relief!  Trent admitted he did not think that was what we were going to hear today.  I KNEW he was keeping something from me. 

We had the scan at about 9:00 this morning.  They had to do it twice because Trent coughed.  After he was done the tech said it looked good.  We weren't sure whether she meant the picture or the tumors.  Then began the waiting game.  Right before we headed to see Dr. Gouw we ran into our former bishop from Providence.  It was good to see him and his wife and see that he is doing well too.  We visited for a few minutes and shared  stories of all the benefits that have come from both of our situations.  Then we dashed off to hear the results.  We even rode the golf cart all the way down the hall.  That made a big difference for Trent and I only felt a little sheepish.  I felt like I should have been doing the pageant wave...you know, "elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist, wrist, fix the pearls and start again".  I will have to practice up before we ride the cart again! 

We were waiting for Dr. Gouw and Grace popped her head in the door and just sat there smiling.  Then she finally blurted out, "You do realize that when you see my smiling face it is good news, right?!"  YEAH!  Three times in a row!  That took the pressure off, bigtime.  When Dr. Gouw came we learned that he would be sending the scans to a thoracic surgeon in the valley.  The tumors had shrunk enough that he felt surgery would now be an option.  The small tumors that were BB size are now only specks on the scan, the smaller of the big tumors is the size of skittle maybe, it used to be the size of a shooter marble.  And the big tumor that started out larger than a golf ball is now only the size of a shooter marble.  Hallelujah!  There also doesn't appear to be any new lesions and all the surrounding organs appear normal. 

So we started Round 11 of chemo today.  Trent will finish this round and probably see the surgeon around the 8th of February.  IF surgery is a go he will probably be scheduled within the week following the visit with the surgeon.  Hopefully the surgery will NOT include cutting through the breastbone.  We are still hoping the doctor can go in through Trent's back and side.  Well see...

While Trent was being infused Dr. Jones and his nurse, Nancy stopped by for a visit.  They were all smiles and so surprised that Trent had made it this far.  We are learning more and more every time we talk to the doctors that they really had very little hope for Trent when we first arrived.  Dr. Jones said that with as much disease and as advanced as it was, Trent shouldn't be alive.  MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!

We did take about forty minutes to celebrate with a quick little lunch/dinner at the Olive Garden on the way home.  I know, lame.  But we will have to do some serious celebrating when he is all better!

We are expecting Round 11 to completely kick Trent's bootie.  Not looking forward to that.  It has already begun.  As I type this Trent is moaning and writhing in pain in his bed.  Hopefully we are nearing the end of this trial...hopefully.

So, thank you all again for all of your prayers, fasting, love, and support.  We are experiencing a miracle and are so grateful for it!

Another SCAN tomorrow!

I am a little surprised the time has flown by so quickly.  Tomorrow Trent is having another chest CT to evaluate the tumors in his lungs.  The last two scans have shown significant shrinking and we really hope we will see that tomorrow too.  There are many questions to be answered tomorrow and many more questions raised.  Are we ready for surgery?  Can Trent handle surgery?  Are the tumors operable?  Can Trent handle two more rounds of chemotherapy?  Yikes!  It is like overload when I think about all the possibilities.  Some are ugly, some are not as ugly.  But they are all ugly.  Cancer is ugly.  That's why we are going to get rid of it once and for all and move on with life! 

Trent is still in bed from this last round.  He has only been out of bed a couple of times in the last three weeks.  He has been having a lot of stomach pain and more severe bouts with chest pain.  Honestly, that scares me, ALOT!  But, I have to just think that the stomach pain is from all the medication he is on and the chest pain is the feeling of cancer being kicked out of his body!  I know it scares Trent too but he won't say it out loud because then I would have real reason to be scared. 

I think that the adversary works extra hard on us when we are vulnerable.  He starts tearing apart everything that is good or positive and replaces it with feelings of inadequecy and doubt.  I have been having a hard time with that this past couple of weeks and  have had to sit back and think, "What has changed?"  Nothing, except that we are coming up on a very stressful time and are very vulnerable right now.  Prime opportunity to be ripped to shreds. 

But little by little, the Lord has reminded me that He is near and we are being cared for.  I am reminded of words or phrases or feelings that have come as answers to prayer in the past.  The blessings Trent has received are still true and valid.  I have to hang on to that-with every fiber of my being.  Cancer is not the only thing that we are fighting.  We are fighting the adversary.  Every day.  And that, as well as Cancer, is a battle we are determined to win.

Just an update

This second dose of round ten has hit Trent pretty hard.  He has endured a lot of intense pain this week.  We have just done our best to treat it the best we can and keep it under control as much as possible.  Today is really the first day he has been out of bed.  He is still very tired and has spurts of feeling good, but mostly he is just feeling pretty yucky.  We are getting anxious and excited for the next scan.  If things are still shrinking we will hopefully talk to a thoracic surgeon.  If they are still the same they may want to do surgery immediately.  They may give Trent a break for a while and then do more chemotherapy.  We are really hoping that things are still shrinking so we can do surgery and get them out.  The surgery is really scary and I don't like to think about that much, but it is a better thought than not being able to do anything about the tumors.  Trent is getting really worn down from all of the chemotherapy and I wonder how much more he can take.  We are not certain at this point that the cancer has not spread to other parts of his body.  I assume there will be a full body scan sometime soon to make sure it is only in the lungs still.  We are not counting out the possibility that the tumors will be completely gone :) :) when we have the next scan.  Miracles DO happen and I really hope we get that one!  But either way, we will just keep trucking along. 

Hard Week

Gemcytobine has, in the past, been okay.  But this week it hit Trent hard.  He has been in bed since Tuesday but was able to be up for church today.  He has had some difficulty with swelling this week.  We started him on Lasix last week and when he went for chemo Monday Grace told us to double the dose because it was not being effective yet.  So, we did that and then watched Trent's blood pressure go crazy.  114/44 is pretty scary.  So then it was a juggling act trying to balance the swelling and the blood pressure and how to treat each.  We were disappointed but not to surprised that this week was hard.  Trent has not had much of an appetite all week  long but today he slicked up his plate twice and  then finished off the kid's plates too.  That was a good sign and he seemed to be doing much better this evening-just in time for more chemo tomorrow!  It makes me sad that he is sick all week and then feels better for one day before it all starts over.  The way he keeps on going impresses me.  He has a determination that runs deep and gives me the strength to keep going too.  He is not a perfect patient.  He can be honery and mean and impatient.  But I don't even want to think about how mean and ugly I would be if I had to endure all the pain and discomfort that he does.  I know he is the one to have cancer because he is able to handle it so much better than I would.  As I watch him endure this trial I love him more and more.  He is my rock, and I love him to LIFE!